Thursday, December 07, 2006

CD12: No Progress

So, here's this cycle's follie history.

CD3: nada
CD10: left 16 mm
today, CD12: left 16 mm

So, it didn't grow in the past 2 days and I don't have any other follies to speak of.

Dr. Quick's only comment was that things seemed to be "slow."

Nurse Poker Face was not as upbeat about it. She gave me a grim look when she discussed it with me. She said that it's not good that on Clomid, I only got one follie. She also said it's not good that it hasn't grown at all in 2 days.

This is only my second Clomid try, and last time I ended up with 3 follies. She said that didn't matter. With the Clomid, I should have produced more than one follie. She brought up injectibles and suggested I see if my insurance would cover them or not. I was feeling pretty hopeless by the time I left there.

I'm glad I had time to process it a bit on the train ride home. As a mathematician, I have to say... you should never draw inferences based on an n of 2. Maybe if I hadn't done Clomid this cycle, it would've been annovulatory. Those cycles do happen, even to perfectly healthy women, right? Not to mention, maybe my body just isn't being cooperative this month. Does that mean we should infer that I'm not a good Clomid candidate? I don't think so, since it worked once and I've only tried twice.

I mean, of course, I'm bummed out. I got 2 plump follies when I did a natural cycle. It would suck if I'm only getting one now on Clomid.

But, it's only CD12. And my follies never seem to grow the 1-2 mm per day, right on schedule, that they're supposed to anyway. Here are my stats from my last two follie monitored cycles, in case you're wondering what I'm talking about.

(Natural Cycle in October)
CD8: left 15 mm
CD10: left 17 mm, right 14 mm
CD14: left 19 mm, right 20 mm [notice in 4 days, the left only grew 2 mm]

(Clomid Cycle in November)
CD10: right 17 mm
CD12: left 11 mm, right 15 mm, 13 mm, 11 mm [notice the right follie seems to have shrunk... Nurse Poker Face could not explain this]
CD14: left 16 mm, right 17 mm, 15 mm

So, I have to go back on Saturday. Hopefully there will be some sort of change.

I don't know if I would be willing to do injectibles...ever. I have my own personal reasons for this. Mainly, my mother and maternal grandmother both died of ovarian cancer, so I don't really think I want to hyperstim the ol' ovaries that much. Also, I don't have a burning need to experience pregnancy. I'm happy to get pregnant if it's in the cards for me, but I would also be happy to adopt. I know some people have very strong feelings one way or the other, but I really don't. Never have.

I have completely lost the great attitude I had 2 days ago. The "it's too early to tell" attitude, even though it's still early. I feel like I must be doing something wrong. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days, getting up several times during the night, which is atypical for me. But I don't know what I can do about that. I've also had headaches for the past few days. Again, not sure I can do much about that. I feel like I'm getting sick. I know illness can affect fertility.

I know that whole line of thinking is foolish. Fertility is not easily controlled. If it were, we would all have so much less to blog about. But I can't help but feel like I'm failing somehow.


b. said...

How frustrating. Not that it's any consolation, but I don't typically get a bevy of follies when on Clomid. Usually just one; my doctor has never indicated that this is bad.

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but mainly I just wanted to let you know that I get the frustration. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself (feeling like a failure), but I know how this is easier said than done. At the very least, you do seem to have some good perspective on this whole process, as disappointing as it has been.

Bug hugs.

Calliope said...

fuck. I know you are bummed. (especially being a numbers gal, like yourself)
what dose of clomid are you on?

Grrlscout said...

I don't like Nurse Ratchet. Being a quasi-scientist myself, the sampling is too small. She probably is talking out of her ass.

But still, I am sorry.

Co said...

I'm on 100 mg of Clomid, Cali.

ms.bri said...

Admittedly I have only done limited research because I don't like to think about it. But from what I've read, Clomid is the riskier drug as far as ovarian cancer. Not that you asked, but I would maybe try one more round and then reassess. If you don't get more than 1 follicle or if the quality isn't great (can that be inferred from slow growth? I don't know), I personally wouldn't put myself through the increased cancer risk of Clomid. It wigs me out that I have to take it. I wasn't originally willing to try it more than 3 times. I have increased that slightly now that I know it worked. But it scares the bejeesus out of me, personally. Just another viewpoint.

I won't do injectibles either because I am scared of twins (says the woman with two identical follicles this cycle - gulp). Do you mean that you also wouldn't do IVF?

I am sorry things are progressing slowly and that the doc/nurse wasn't so encouraging.

e. said...

Sorry to hear your follies are not growing quickly and you feel you are doing something wrong. Your body may not be cooperating, but your will is strong.

For what it's worth, I've read the same thing ms. bri read about clomid and ovarian cancer and for the risks she stated, I want to aviod it at all costs. We all make our own decisions, and I imagine you did your research and made a well informed decision.

It is still early in your cycle and who knows, maybe the follies will grow. I hope they do and I hope your hope grows as well.

I'll be thinking of you and I am sorry you have to spen your saturday back at the RE.


Sophia said...

50mg gave me two

100mg gave me three

Injectables gave me four

IVF 1 gave me six

If your FSH levels are normal and all bloodwork normal then only IVF could give you an idea about egg quality issue.

this frustration sucks but what Bri says about Clomid and cancer is right. Injectables actually has a lower cancer risk.

Yesterday's post about my follow up has some interesting stuff

mermaidgrrrl said...

I was terrified of being over-stimmed with injectable FSH, but that was the cycle that only gave me the one good follie. On the clomid I was getting 2 - 3 big follies each cycle but none of them worked. I thought the FSH was a lot easier on my body than the clomid and I would do it again over clomid any day. I totally understand your fear of injectables since I had it too, but maybe your body would have a better reaction to the injectables like I did?

Sacha said...

Have you considered Femara? It's a breast cancer drug (ha, irony) that's seen as the replacement for clomid and carries lower risks.

Personally, I'm a minimalist on interventions and that's where my opinion will come from, which means try EVERYTHING before going to injectibles. And fertility is seriously something that you cannot control (as much as the clinics would like us to feel diff), therefore you are NOT failing. Please don't feel that way because it only hurts you.