So, here's this cycle's follie history.
CD10: left 16 mm
today, CD12: left 16 mm
So, it didn't grow in the past 2 days and I don't have any other follies to speak of.
Dr. Quick's only comment was that things seemed to be "slow."
Nurse Poker Face was not as upbeat about it. She gave me a grim look when she discussed it with me. She said that it's not good that on Clomid, I only got one follie. She also said it's not good that it hasn't grown at all in 2 days.
This is only my second Clomid try, and last time I ended up with 3 follies. She said that didn't matter. With the Clomid, I should have produced more than one follie. She brought up injectibles and suggested I see if my insurance would cover them or not. I was feeling pretty hopeless by the time I left there.
I'm glad I had time to process it a bit on the train ride home. As a mathematician, I have to say... you should never draw inferences based on an n of 2. Maybe if I hadn't done Clomid this cycle, it would've been annovulatory. Those cycles do happen, even to perfectly healthy women, right? Not to mention, maybe my body just isn't being cooperative this month. Does that mean we should infer that I'm not a good Clomid candidate? I don't think so, since it worked once and I've only tried twice.
I mean, of course, I'm bummed out. I got 2 plump follies when I did a natural cycle. It would suck if I'm only getting one now on Clomid.
But, it's only CD12. And my follies never seem to grow the 1-2 mm per day, right on schedule, that they're supposed to anyway. Here are my stats from my last two follie monitored cycles, in case you're wondering what I'm talking about.
(Natural Cycle in October)
CD8: left 15 mm
CD10: left 17 mm, right 14 mm
CD14: left 19 mm, right 20 mm [notice in 4 days, the left only grew 2 mm]
(Clomid Cycle in November)
CD10: right 17 mm
CD12: left 11 mm, right 15 mm, 13 mm, 11 mm [notice the right follie seems to have shrunk... Nurse Poker Face could not explain this]
CD14: left 16 mm, right 17 mm, 15 mm
So, I have to go back on Saturday. Hopefully there will be some sort of change.
I don't know if I would be willing to do injectibles...ever. I have my own personal reasons for this. Mainly, my mother and maternal grandmother both died of ovarian cancer, so I don't really think I want to hyperstim the ol' ovaries that much. Also, I don't have a burning need to experience pregnancy. I'm happy to get pregnant if it's in the cards for me, but I would also be happy to adopt. I know some people have very strong feelings one way or the other, but I really don't. Never have.
I have completely lost the great attitude I had 2 days ago. The "it's too early to tell" attitude, even though it's still early. I feel like I must be doing something wrong. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days, getting up several times during the night, which is atypical for me. But I don't know what I can do about that. I've also had headaches for the past few days. Again, not sure I can do much about that. I feel like I'm getting sick. I know illness can affect fertility.
I know that whole line of thinking is foolish. Fertility is not easily controlled. If it were, we would all have so much less to blog about. But I can't help but feel like I'm failing somehow.