11 DPO. Nothing significant is different on my chart, but we won't know anything for sure until we test or we see blood.
The only difference is I have very sore breasts. I had that the first month I took hoo-ha bullets, too. Maybe I just get that sometimes, and I mistakenly blamed the hoo-ha bullets for it before. The sore breasts started a couple days after our insems, far too early for an early pregnancy sign, so don't get all excited and hopeful. It's not that.
Fingers are still very crossed for my TWW mates.
- - - - - - - -
Now, I am jumping on the grumpy train.
First, some stories about other grump.
Our friends were hoping to adopt through the foster care system, and spent 2 years fostering babies. I remember them feeling grumpy that they had been parents for so long, but had only ever experienced parenting infants. They went from one very young infant to another very young infant to another very young infant. They were like parents with a child caught in some time warp who never grew beyond a certain age (I know they were different children, but you get the point.) They were parents for 2 years who had never parented a 2-year-old.
I get that.
Whatthef*ck was explaining in a recent blog post that she is grumpy, in part because she has spent so much of the last 2 years being in early stages of pregnancy. Because of her 3 dead babies, her current pregnancy is the 6th first trimester she has been in. And she is even more restricted than most women in terms of what she needs to avoid during this pregnancy, so it's hard.
I get that.
(And for the people I refer to above, if I got any of your feelings/story wrong, my apologies. Feel free to correct me in the comments.)
So, here's my grumpy complaint. I, too, have restricted myself almost to the same degree as if I were truly pregnant, on and off, for the past 6 months. For example, while I was waiting for my LH surge this past cycle, I didn't want to take an antihistamine because it might dry up my fertile mucus. So, I suffered with watery, itchy eyes (not a huge deal, but it makes it hard to stare at my computer screen among other things) because I didn't want to dry up that mucus we so desperately needed in case ovulation was just around the corner. And of course, every TWW, and even a lot of the first parts of my cycle, I am cautious. I try to exercise since that improves fertility, but not too hard because that could be bad. I don't drink much during the first part of my cycle and not a drop during the second part. And my one real vice... coffee... well, I restrict myself to one cup maximum. I've considered whether if I gave it up entirely, that might help my outcome.
Sometimes, I actually think to myself, "You know, if I actually get pg and carry a baby to term, I will have to keep restricting myself like this and more for the next 9 months plus, too." Don't get me wrong. I'd be the happiest of happy people if that happened for me. It's not that any of these things are so hard. It just seems unfair that I have been living like a pseudo-pregnant person for most of 6 months now, and then if I am lucky, really lucky, I'll get to live like that for another 9 months. And if I'm not really lucky, then I will have lived like that for no reason at all.
I can't go for a really long, hard run when I am feeling anxious or having trouble sleeping. When I have a tough deadline, I can't have a second cup of coffee to help me concentrate. When my skin is red and itchy, I don't dare pop an Allegra.
And to add to the pseudo-pregnant person feeling, let's not forget all the time I've spent injecting myself with HcG and taking progesterone suppositories. So, I get inklings of what it feels like to be pg, knowing the whole time it doesn't mean I am. There's something kind of cruel about that.
So, I'm just adding my beefs to the grump.
But I am also grateful. A friend of mine, who is a gay man, made me realize recently that I am also lucky that I am a (hopefully) fertile woman who can even try to conceive. He and his partner don't have a womb at the ready. And they don't have the money to hire a surrogate, buy a donor egg, etc. They are hoping they will be able to adopt when they decide they want to be parents, and I would be happy to adopt also. But I am indeed grateful that Lo and I can give it a try with our uteruses first. Somewhere admidst the grump, there is also gratitude.