Sunday, January 07, 2007

Not in My Back Ovary

There is something I've noticed.

Most women I know, who are considering TTC in the near or distant future, have a predisposition. Most of them seem to think that whenever THEY personally decide they WANT to be pg, it will just happen for them. I have met very few women who worry that they will be infertile. Most women I know seem to assume that, "Sure, that happens, but not to me... I'm healthy, I do yoga, I'm under 35, my relatives got pg at the drop of a hat so of course it's going to be the same for me, no problem."

I am not being critical. I thought that, too, to some degree. I was never naive enough to expect I'd get pg on the first or second try. Although that could be because by the time we got around to TTC, I knew enough infertile bloggers to have my doubts. But especially after all my myriad fertility tests came back great, I thought, sure, why wouldn't this work some time within the magical 6 tries?

We've only tried 4 times, so we may still get pg before the magical 6 tries is up. I'm not counting myself among the infertile at this point, by any stretch. I feel like that would be ridiculous since I've only tried 4 times, as well as disprespectful of those of you who've tried for 6 months to x number of years and still nothing.

But it always irks me when I encounter people who have yet to TTC. They almost always assume that it will just happen for them. That they're not going to have an experience even like mine. And maybe they are right. I know it does happen quickly for some lucky people.

Maybe I'm just being a bitch when I caution them that it's not necessarily that easy. Maybe I'm just coloring my responses with my own pain, and trying to dissuade them from adding to my pain by acting like what has been so hard for me will be so easy for them. Or maybe no one can believe that it could ever happen to them until it IS happening to them.


vee said...

I'm up to try #7 now and I, like you, naievely expected not to be here. I really wish someone had been more honest with me about the potential difficulties, even when there's 'nothing wrong'.

I can't believe that everyone I know who has kids got pregnant at the drop of a hat, but I know no-one ever said anything to the contrary, perhaps because it's still somewhat of a taboo subject. Now I just feel guilty about all the times, pre TTC myself, that I blythely asked (straight) friends and family, "So, not pregnant yet then?"

CD & SP said...

I was just thinking about this! So I had to leave a comment. That was so me! I was sure it would be "easy". Grr...x7. It was nice to feel that way though, remember? The naivete? ahh..

Sophia said...

I had the naivete but I was charting and reading blogs before I actively TTC and I was reading the miscarriage/infertility (anyone remember Getupgrrl?) stories. I also had family history giving me reality checks. I think for me I let denial kick in.

I think what gets me are the couples who are so set on the no medical procedures route. Not the 23 year old women but the women in their late 30s who want to light candles and chant. I mean PLEASE you're 38! At least get a fertility work up before hitting the candle store! sheesh!