So, yeah, didn't expect AI #5, our at-home insems with frozen sperm, to work. I'm really not as upset as I usually feel when the negative news is confirmed. I think I really didn't get my hopes up as much as I often do. Or maybe I'm just getting used to this.
I don't look forward to another Saturday morning at the RE's talking about injectibles vs. Clomid and having an ultrasound on Day 2 of my period as is my clinic's yucky baseline custom. But it is what it is.
So, onto another medicated cycle, IUI #4, AI #6. Will lucky number 6 be the charm?
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By the way, those of you wading through bigtime hell right now, there is no need for you to read the gratitude part of this post. If you're in a place where everything just sucks, then I totally get that and respect that. You don't need to feel grateful. Not at all.
I'm not there right now (although I'm sure I'll visit again soon), so for those of you who want to read it, here's my second gratitude post.
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I was talking to a friend of Lo's, Dr. EF, who is a family practice doctor. She was telling me about how she is trying to help some of her patients get pregnant, by prescribing Clomid and telling them about BBTs and such.
Dr. EF works at a clinic that serves low-income, mostly uninsured patients. I complained to her briefly about how much I hate the R.E. and how pricey this whole process is and how stressful and she gave me a big-time reality check. Her patients don't have the luxury. Not at all. No matter how much they want it. Not even a consultation. They don't have the money. They can't possibly save it. It's not an option.
So, I know I bitch about going to the R.E. I know I bitch about how much this all costs, and how invasive it is.
But I'm lucky in many ways, and grateful. I'm lucky that I have good health insurance. I'm lucky that I can afford to buy sperm, even though I'm by no means wealthy. I'm lucky that if I need to, I have good credit and a good income and Lo has those too, and together, we can rack up debt or get a loan to help cover the costs of IVF or adoption if we later choose either of those. As much as debt sucks, at least I can acquire it if I want it.
And yes, I know what some of you are thinking. I know I've worked hard for what I have today (and I know many of you have, too). I know it's a combination of luck and really hard work. (C'mon, I'm an orphan! No silver spoons fed this mouth growing up.) But if I'd gotten cancer at age 30 like my mom, I wouldn't have what I have today. If my GM had gotten ill and needed caretaking when I was 19, I would've had to quit college and run home and be my brother's guardian and my grandmother's caregiver. I have worked hard, but some of what I have been able to accomplish was because I do get dealt a decent hand most of the time. Knock wood.