tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post7386395320066451196..comments2023-06-10T10:23:32.293-04:00Comments on The Family O: Once An Infertile...Lohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10507793708832982682noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-39665426483855130342008-10-20T21:06:00.000-04:002008-10-20T21:06:00.000-04:00you know, i wonder if there is always that extra w...you know, i wonder if there is always that extra worry/compassion with lesbians who are ttc or are parents because we know exactly what could go wrong and the various issues that can make ttc all that more difficult. my co-worker and his wife just lost their baby at 9 weeks. he's my age - 39 and she is 41. they have a 2yo dd. when he happily told me his wife was pregnant (at 6 or 7 weeks no less), i immediately worried inside knowing it was too soon for him to tell me. at their first appt, the baby was fine, measuring normally with a heartrate of 166bpm. i was so excited for them...but then the bad news 2 weeks later that baby had passed at 9 weeks. he was genuinely grateful that i took the time to call and let him talk through it (we're pretty tight and talk about all kinds of stuff at work) and that i was able to offer some advice and insights. they plan to try again just as soon as his wife's cycles are back to normal. i pray that things work out differently next time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-76689261117039584682008-10-20T08:30:00.000-04:002008-10-20T08:30:00.000-04:00This spoke to me. (This is Lizzie from IVP, I'm a ...This spoke to me. (This is Lizzie from IVP, I'm a lurker here.) ..... People say such unintentionally hurtful things all the time (just have more sex!). People seem blind in some ways. And if I'm seeing more acutely with regard to infertility, then what am I blind to? What careless comments do I make, what do I take for granted? How do I unintentionally offend? Thanks for this post.Lizziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18142542414035866385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-86340049540621887072008-10-18T21:01:00.000-04:002008-10-18T21:01:00.000-04:00At least from my perspective, when we were struggl...At least from my perspective, when we were struggling (foster/adopt) it didn't bother me when other people were successful where we hadn't been but it did bother me when they didn't understand that they were lucky and that their situation/experience was not something everyone could expect to have.<BR/><BR/>So, while I'm sure it must suck to not be able to help Struggling Friend (since she doesn't want to talk), I'm sure your sensitivity about the topic is worth something to her.<BR/><BR/>Misery might love company on some level, but I hate hearing about others who have gone through what we did (just found out about another one today) and I'm happy for people when it goes the other way. I also enjoy sharing in their victories. I like kids & babies, and I like being part of my community. So I would HATE it if people had thought they should keep their baby stories and babies away from me while we were baby-less. Don't assume - why not ask her?fostermamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09892654110641448023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-21372417190192250532008-10-18T19:28:00.000-04:002008-10-18T19:28:00.000-04:00I agree with j.k-c compassion is never the wrong p...I agree with j.k-c compassion is never the wrong path...I have just started to think of having another baby (10 years after my first successful pregnancy, 18 months after Gaye's first success) and I feel a bit of a fraud as describing myself as having infertility issues (after all I have a 9 year old and an 18 month old) but both Gaye and I took years and years to concieve and a good many heartbreaks in there too. I feel terrified of getting back on the path of TTC...anyway when I told one friend who saw me through it before that I was thinking of it - she just said 'you are so brave' and I felt so much better knowing someone understood that it wasn't just a trip into easy bliss. I think you are right to be thinking of SF as well as hoping that NPF will be both cheerfully right in her assumptions but careful of SF in her discussions. THey are lucky to have youClarehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03308332880810481457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-52651641202118419202008-10-18T17:32:00.000-04:002008-10-18T17:32:00.000-04:00your friend is SO lucky to have people with such c...your friend is SO lucky to have people with such compassion in her life. It sucks ass to be (or feel like) you are a friend left behind. I felt like that for a long time with one of my closest friends. We both started trying in April of 2005 and she has a two year old. It was hard on both of us and we had to give each other lots of space and reestablish boundaries. I think just being aware of is key- and also I would curb baby talk around this friend unless she brings it up. Regardless you both are wonderful friends. <BR/>xoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-43204004669863881702008-10-18T10:59:00.000-04:002008-10-18T10:59:00.000-04:00indeed, compassion is never a bad thing. i'm so gl...indeed, compassion is never a bad thing. i'm so glad they both have you.<BR/><BR/>i can imagine it must be hard - some of my friends want children and haven't even started trying yet but i find myself feeling anxious for them already because you never know what might happen :-|<BR/><BR/>i hope struggling friend gets knocked up soon. and i send you hugs - you're a brilliant friend to have. xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21200500.post-44508707994842758642008-10-18T10:16:00.000-04:002008-10-18T10:16:00.000-04:00Compassion is never a bad thing. And even though ...Compassion is never a bad thing. And even though struggling friend doesn't want to talk, I think often compassion is felt deeper than conversation. It is about feeling understood and validated. It is about sitting there with the other friends when struggling friend isn't even there and feeling how the conversation would feel to her. I often wish this process was not so confusing and painful for ourselves and for our relationships.<BR/>Thanks for writing this.j.k-c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10743129443451601230noreply@blogger.com