Photo Friday: B is for Birthday

Today is mine.


This is me on (or within a few days of) my first birthday, out on a walk with my mom and my pull-toy doggie (the only one they let me have until my eleventh birthday).

I am now 32. Several of you have blogged about the emotional weight of turning 30. I wasn't so worried about turning 30 -- I've always felt old for my time, so it felt right to finally be such a solid age as 30. The year I turned 30 I got my first driver's license, got married, and got tenure at my job. I felt accomplished.

For me, 32 is the real deadline, because my mom was 32 when I was born. In fact, she had just turned 32 a few weeks before, so I have long been unable to fulfill the assumption I always made that I would have children at the same age as my mother.

So, I'm not feeling so psyched about this birthday. Another year down the drain. Crap.

My Mom

My mom is driving us crazy.

Poor Co actually hung up on her today. I don't know if I would dare to do that, myself.

First of all, every time she talks about our new nephew she needs to talk about his family resemblance to "our family." Which is starting to grate on both of us, since our own child (should we ever have one) will not look like "our family." I am not such a big fan of my looks that I really care so much about passing them on, and I am dying to have a baby that looks like Co. (And at least in theory I am going to have a biological child down the line.) I just think my mom could maybe say that less to us. (Admittedly, maybe there is not so much else to say about a creature that only eats, sleeps, craps, and pees.)

Second of all, whenever the subject of TTC comes up, she brings up examples of heterosexual infertility. WE DON'T CARE. Of course, there exists het infertility, and we feel akin to you all out there, but honestly? That does not make our lives easier. That does not take away trigger shots in the belly, hoo ha bullets, ultrasounds every 20 minutes, and the pain of failure. Mom does not know about these things, but for all the bragging she does about all the lesbian parents she knows, it would not be so hard for her to find out.

So, I am feeling weary and cross and like you in the computer are the only people I ever want to talk to again. Bleh.

Photo Friday: A is for Aunt

As I mentioned (well, buried) in an earlier post, Co and I became aunties this week. My nephew S. was born October 15, 7 lbs, 13 oz. (I won't type his full name here, but for those of you familiar with the Bible...let's hope they never cut his hair.)

I have such mixed feelings about it all. I want to be a mommy, not an auntie. I am cross that I was "lapped" (Charlotte's term) by my younger sister. She announced her pregnancy a month or so after we had begun discussions with our first failed KD (and shortly after we had gotten the big "no"). In the space of a day or two, I had to cope with re-adjusting our conception plans, and with realizing that I would not be providing my parents the first granchild. To top it off, sis has continually been insensitive about how difficult and complex this experience is for us where it was easy for her.

But S. is a cute little guy, as you can see. In the picture above he reminds me *so* much of my sister as a baby and (to my relief) I'm feeling some affection. I'm actually looking forward to meeting him and holding him....of course, I am a huge sucker for an infant.

So I am settling, if uneasily, into aunthood.

(Alternatively, A could stand for a**....and I can't wait to kiss this little one below!!)

Every Sperm Is Sacred

We watched part of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life last night, and were treated to this little ditty.

I pointed out that for what we pay for it, it sure ought to be sacred.

Co, being the mathematician in the family, figured out that since there were 30 million little fellas in our Blue Fish IUI sample, and we paid $450 for the vial....each sperm cost $0.000015.

A bargain at twice the price. Let's just hope one of them did the job.

Symptoms, Aunt-hood, and Vehicles

Co has been gassy and nauseated. Is that good?? (Co is not counting chickens, because, she insists, she has been gassy and nauseated before and has never been pregnant.)

We are supposed to call Dr. Quick on the 23rd if she hasn't gotten her period (I assume for one of those mysterious betas). FF predicts her period a few days before that.

In other news, my sister had her baby today. If one more relative calls me and says "Hello, Auntie" I am going to pitch the phone across the room. Oh, boy. I'm a lesbian aunt. How unheard of. I am in no mood to be defined by my sister's fertility.

I don't feel like a very good person for not being more excited.

Our big news is that we pick up our "new-to-us" car on Tuesday night. It's a 2003 Saturn Ion, silver-blue. With both a CD player and a tape deck! (I honed right in on the important details.) I'll post pictures.

I might even post pictures of my nephew S (since my sister and her husband have a self-aggrandizing website where they plan to post his visage all over the Internet, I don't see why I shouldn't. But I don't have any pix yet).

IUI: Code Name Blue Fish

So, Co has decided to name our tries (reminiscent of Sacha), though we didn't name our fresh attempt. This one is "Blue Fish," both because Co was clad all in blue when we did it, right down to her shark socks; and because she made friends with a little blue fishie in the fertility clinic's big calming fish tank while we waited for *an hour* to get the deed done. The little blue fish kept swimming near Co and opening and closing its mouth in little "o"s (you know, like the little O we're trying to make) and had a cute fishie wiggle. So if this one works (everything crossed!!) the little one gets a blue fish stuffed animal.

The IUI itself was incredibly fast. Thank you, Dr. Quick. As Co indicated in her previous post, the speculum is never fun, but the cathether was tiny and virtually irrelevant in terms of pain. Dr. Q only had her lie down for 5 minutes afterward, though I've read elsewhere of people having to stay prone for up to 20 minutes. P the Lab Guy, a.k.a He Who Defrost and Washes Sperm, was very nice, and happily told us that there were 30 million of the little guys in our sample (which I believe was only .5ml).

It was all so quick, Lo didn't even have time to corner Dr. Quick with her millions of questions. I did ask him if this ever works the first time, to which he replied, "Of course." Oh, you optimistic RE, you! So here are some of my questions for you, oh blogosphere:
1) Co had two large follicles, one on each ovary. Might the trigger shot have caused both to release?
2) Co found a statistic that, on average, one ovulates 41.5 hours after a trigger shot. Any commentary on that?

Photo Friday: Water & Uncomfortable

For water, I offer a picture of the beach that was our backyard for a week in the Virgin Islands (St. Croix) this summer. What a blissful honeymoon. Look at the color of that water...and it was warm as a bathtub.


A bonus water picture: a horse swimming at that same beach. I had never seen a swimming horse before. But I guess it's a good way for them to cool down in the sweltering summer.



And now for uncomfortable:



(Didn't think I could go that long without posting a picture of the first baby, did you?) The mommies think the reindeer antlers are just adorable, but as you can see, Maggie does not agree. In this picture she is using her paw to push me away while I held them in place. Every year we get a few quick pix before we put her out of her misery.

Alternatively, I could have posted a picture of Co's butt hormones. But we don't pick them up 'til tomorrow, and also, she would kill me.

Adventures in Synagogue

(Actually, my congregation meets in a church, but my adventures in church are an entirely different post...)

I was asked this year to give one of the speeches asking people to donate money. (This is less offensive than it sounds because my congregation, unlike every other synagogue in this neighborhood and many other places, does not requires expensive tickets or temple membership to attend high holidays services; we do request donations.)

People usually talk about their journey to the congregation in these speeches, and I was specifically asked by the rabbi to focus on LBGT visibility. She, like me, is a lesbian in an interfaith relationship. Just one thing I like about this place!

So I was kinda nervous and uncomfortable about telling my little story -- and especially about asking for money! -- but people complimented me afterwards and it ended up being nice to speak about myself to my community.

I noted that I love the congregation because I feel comfortable as a lesbian, and my non-Jewish wife also feels comfortable. I did not mention that my non-Jewish wife was not with me this morning because she was busy getting her follicle measured. Hee hee. But she's coming with me this afternoon. I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me, how much I love Co for wanting to raise our children Jewish, and for joining me in my tradition.

I'm not the most observant or reverent Jew, I certainly am not supposed to be blogging in the break between services on the holiest day of the year...but being Jewish is an inextricable part of who I am, and I am so happy that I have found a congregation where I can be my whole complicated self. And where I will be happy to bring my (cross fingers hard) children.

Now, scroll down to give Co and I advice about complicated medical techniques for conceiving said children....

Photo Friday: Windows

This window is at the aptly-named Riverview, where Co and I got married last August. The window itself isn't so spectacular, of course, but the grand sparkly river one can see through it is lovely. And any memory of our wedding makes me smile.

Photo, Uh, Tuesday: Lo's Stuff (with Sperm Washing News)

I'm a teacher, and this is the load I carry to school. I never stopped carrying a backpack, but went straight from student to teacher. My current powder blue one has many secret pockets, which is necessary because I've also never taken to carrying a purse. I do have a "weekend purse" so I don't always show up shlepping the backpack (but I would if I thought I could get away with it).

The tote bag was a free gift at a Liberty game (yes, I have paid my lesbian dues!) and I do not always bring it, just the days (like today) when I have extra materials.

I included the shiny binder in the pic because it's, well, shiny. That was my new school year treat from CVS.

NOTE: In other news, while making copies in the school office today I received a call from the lab and had to duck into the stairwell to discuss the washing of sperm. As Cali accurately reported, it is okay to wash sperm multiple times. You might lose a few in the process, but motility will only be increased. Phew. (As the lab guy asked me somewhat indignantly, "You think I would do something to make you not pregnant?" Well. I should hope not.)

The Fat Lady's Warming Up...

Co's temp dipped today. Now we really have to decide who to order up from the bank...Scroll down to weigh in.

Oh, well. At least now I can say I've seen, you know, semen.

Donor Roulette

We are trying desperately to narrow ourselves down to one donor. (The fat lady hasn't sung yet. Co is due to get her period this weekend. It's been a long cycle, due to delayed ovulation....if I didn't know so much about charting, I'd be all excited that she hasn't gotten her period yet, but alas, I know it's nothing notable.)

So here are the two finalists:

Funny Guy: He is half Jewish, half Irish & something else. This makes him a mixture of both of our ethnicities (and since we'd try to use the same donor to get me knocked up down the line, that's attractive). He is into Asian philosophy (as am I) and just seems like a generally nice person (the sperm bank faculty recommended him as being intelligent with a sense of humor). He's a researcher in molecular pharmacology. And, as indicated by his nickname, his whimsical sense of humor shone through in his profile. A drawback: there is some alcoholism in his family (maternal grandmother) and that makes Co uncomfortable because of genes on her side. We've negged lots of donors as soon as we saw any family history of substance abuse, but we got really into this guy somehow before we noticed it, so now she (and I) are torn.

Nerdy Science Guy: He is neither of our ethnicities. He's a genetic researcher, and a self-described science nerd (we both find that charming). He was also recommended by our lovely sperm brokers as a genuinely nice person, intelligent with a sense of humor. He has a son, who he writes about very affectionately. He's artistic as well as brainy.

So, I am begging for any advice or ass-vice. I didn't think the ethnicity stuff mattered to me, and we aren't at all concerned about looks. Our initial first choice donor (Corgi Guy) did not share either of our ethnicities and I would have happily gone with him. But somehow, faced with these two choices, it seems to matter a little bit.

Help...

Our Weekend of Sperm

So, after much advice from my friend J, who is a health professional, as well as our friendly neighborhood nurses on blogger, we came up with a strategy about the hepatitis issue. We asked KD about a variety of risk factors, and we were reassured by his answers, so we decided to go ahead with insemination.

This weekend Co was likely to ovulate, and we had to go up to Boston for a wedding -- fortunately it was KD's younger brother's wedding! On Saturday Co's temp dipped, so when we got into Boston, we did the deed. We got the spike on Sunday, and we insemmed again this morning (Monday) (the wedding was on Sunday and our KD best man was a bit busy!).

All went smoothly, as far as I can tell. We had great advice from dear blogger friends, as well as our trusty books, about how to take care of business. We even got a free oral syringe from Walgreens!

KD and his wife were both incredibly generous and even eager to help us out with timing. There was a bit of cloak-and-dagger to it all, since we were around ALL of our (and KD's) family, and we don't intend to share our plan until later on (if it even works). Co and I were staying in a hotel room *right next to my mom*, but fortunately she was out during both of our insems. THAT would have been quite an experience. Though we did get to exchange the mysterious Macy's bag with the cup in front of his grandmother. Hoo boy.

Sneaking around with sperm also made it much easier to be around my eight-month pregnant belly-rubbing little sister.

Oh, and by the way, the wedding was lovely too. My cousin's new bride (who has essentially been in the family for six years) is a great person.

So, here we go....since Co's luteal phase is usually exactly 14 days, we are officially in our first Two Week Wait. AAAAAAAAAH!

Photo Friday: Show Me Your Politics

This first photo is of my friend's daughter at the big Pride March on Washington in April 2000. A group of us: Whimsy, SandraMort, and a bunch of other folks went down in a big van (SandraMort's I believe) and stayed overnight in one hotel room. It was great fun. And little E showed her early proclivities for queer rights! (That's me holding her. I'm wearing my shirt that says "gay maidl" in both English and Yiddish. "Maidl" means "girl.")



This second photo brings the theme right home...


It was taken a few years ago (1999) at the ten-year reunion of World Peace Camp. The folks on the steps of the dining hall are the members of the orchestra for our camp musical, called, what else, Peace Child. (We named our little band No Respect, and wrote a parody of "Imagine" about suffering in the orchestra pit.) Yes, I really went to World Peace Camp when I was 14. What more is there to say, really.

Help! An Interactive Post

So....we will not be able to get hepatitis test results on KD by this weekend.

Here is what we know: he is clean for HIV and STDs and he is monogamous (with his wife). There is no reason to think that he has hepatitis; he looked it up online and has been told by doctor friends that he would know if he'd had it.

But, we don't know.

Also, he is a smoker (of tobacco).

In addition to the obvious health risk, state law here forbids insemination to women with hepatitis.

There's a temptation to go ahead, since it seems awfully unlikely that he has hepatitis, and his sperm is, well, fresh. But would that be a very foolish risk to take?? Should we wait 'til October and just go frozen all the way?

Please advise.... (I know it's a decision we have to make for ourselves, but we're both wondering what the Internets have to say, especially health professionals...)

Photo Friday: Music, music, music!

These pictures are from a yearly folk festival that I (Lo) have been attending since I was nine years old. First with my parents, then with my friends (fostermama and fostermommy, Whimsy and Jest, and some other blogless folk), now with Co and our friends. Of course I dream of someday bringing my own children to this event...

This is Pete Seeger with his banjo. He's the organizer of the festival, and an icon to many. I grew up with his music.









This is Holly Near. I love Holly Near, which suggests that I was born just a bit too late...in my defense, my (straight) mom listened to Holly Near while I was growing up and my sister and I went to many Holly Near concerts with our family.



Finally, here are people sitting beneath a willow tree, enjoying outdoor music. Bliss.

In Other News...Our Anniversary!

Today is our first anniversary! We had a beautiful wedding (as hinted by the pictures here). It makes me smile to remember it. Tonight we will drink a bottle of wine we saved from our jaunt to the Shore right after the wedding, and see how the top of the cake held up after being in our freezer for a year. (Co can't wait to get the freezer space back.)





One whole year of being married to my beautiful, brave, intelligent, funny, sweet Co. Just the first of many... And hopefully, we'll be soon be adding to our little family.

Last Minute Photo Friday: Our Rack

So here it is...our rack. I love Photo Friday now that we have a digital camera!!



It's actually an expandable plastic shelf, the only possible way to properly store and display all the spices Co needs for her delicious dishes. At one point the spices were alphabetized (Lo's doing), but I haven't kept it up.

In the spirit of the theme, here's a gratuitious picture:




Though clearly it suffered on the trip home (which I'm sad about it), this was my favorite souvenir from our trip. Co tried to convince me initially that it was meant to be a shell. Um, what do you all think?

Happy Birthday Co!

It's my girl's birthday! And isn't she a cutie??

Happy, happy birthday sweetheart. I am grateful every day that you came into my life.

Lots of love from Lo and Maggie Mae...

Photo Friday: Where I Blog

Now that I have a laptop, I aim for the most comfortable spots in the house. Sometimes, I admit it, I blog in bed. But I am most likely to be found here:



I sit where Maggie is sitting in this photo. The tray on the coffee table doubles as a computer desk.