A bit more detail on our final RE ultrasound: Embryo-O actually looked human; I could make out a head, and buds of arms and legs. The earlier ultrasounds didn't look like anything, except that I was glad to see the flickering heart.
Dr. Quick always sticks the wand in vigorously and then before I have the chance to whine, "Is everything okay?," he is saying, "There is your baby." He congratulated both of us. I think he must like that part of his job.
*********
Our awesome friends have gotten us a stroller! They saw a Cr*ig's List ad, for the same model they have, and asked if we wanted it. It's also the one that I had, independently, bookmarked on the Babies R Expensive website because I liked its features. At first I thought, oh well, that's cool, but it's too early. Then I compared the prices and Co and I looked at each other and said, what the heck.
And in other serendipitous babystuff news, we can most likely use my sister's (well, my nephew's) infant car seat because he'll have outgrown it by the time Embryo-O needs a seat outside of Co. And it's one of two models that are compatible with the stroller.
Now, of course, I'm really scared something will go wrong.
*************
My mom called to ask me about blogging. She is interested in setting up a blog for her husband's anti-corporate non-profit. But she also asked repeatedly if I had any blogs, saying "I guess it would be private if you did." Yep.
So far she has nicknamed Embryo-O both Shmendrick and Flipper. My name in utero was Yankel (I think they were kidding, but I'm still glad I was a girl).
********************
Co and I met a local blogger this weekend. It's ironic that sometimes it takes the Internet to connect us to likeminded people a mere bus ride away. It was amazing, for me, to enter into the conversation as an expectant parent. She congratulated me and immediately related to me as a fellow parent (and lent me a great book to obsess over!). I am really going to be a mom. And that's how people see me.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Photo Friday: Changing the World
These are some of my students from my very first sixth grade class. The school is actually in an increasingly upscale neighborhood, but the kids came from the nearby housing projects, or took the bus from farther away. Ultimately I couldn't stand the school itself; the administration was abusive to the kids and the faculty alike, it was just an unbearable mess. But I loved the kids. They weren't easy, certainly, but they were malleable and they tried and some were truly thirsty for learning.
Teaching is my way of changing the world. It saddens me that the neediest kids in my city end up in the most egregiously run schools, places where I, as a young new teacher, couldn't survive any more than the kids could. I couldn't be of any help to them when I myself was so isolated, something my graduate school professors warned me about before I went marching into the ghetto, but I was stubborn and had to learn it for myself.
Now I teach in a school that is committed to progressive education as well as diversity; some of my students are as needy as the ones in this picture, but by no means all of them. It's admittedly easier to address kids' needs when only a few of them are falling apart, rather than every single one. And of course working with people who have the same goals makes the entire difference.
And, lest you thought we could pass up an opportunity for photos of the dachshund.... I don't think we've told Maggie's story on the blog. She is a rescue dog (as is her cousin Mowe, my sister's dog, shown here as a puppy). I found out through dachshund rescue that there were some dachshunds at the pound. I headed over there, and they would only show me one at a time, so I asked to see the female. (I think there were two, and the other was her brother, but I really don't know.) They brought little Maggie out to me...she was Big Maggie, though, she weighed the most she ever has, and looked like a football. She curled up in my lab, and whined. It was so sweet, and so sad. Of course I said I wanted her! So I came back the next day, after she'd had her girl parts taken out, and took her home on the 6 train while she slept off the anesthesia.
Saving the world, one dachshund at a time.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Full Circle
Yesterday was a long day for us. First we went to the Bat Mitzvah of a young woman I tutored. I was very proud of her, and very emotionally overcome at the power of passing on old traditions. I got teary when the rabbi and cantor said/sang the priestly blessing. The thought of Embryo-O joining in all this definitely chokes me up.
Then we jumped in the car to attend a baby naming several hours away. This is a long-awaited adoptive son of dear friends, and it was lovely to see him and help welcome him into their community.
Also notable is that at this event, we finally met The Wife of our PKD from back in February 2006. We really liked him, but then back in March 2006 he said that while he was interested in donating, his wife said she could never be comfortable with it. We were annoyed with her not because she had an issue -- that's understandable -- but because she let him talk about donation, let him meet us and like us and talk about wanting to really do it, and only then did she nix the plan. We would rather not have been strung along.
We'd been dreading having to meet her someday, since she is the friend of friends, but really it was under the best of circumstances. We were all happy about Baby Z., and as Co put it, since we have this pregnancy-secret we're carrying around (she more literally than I), we could think "I don't want your guy's sperm anyway, lady!" In fact, Co chatted with her for quite some time. Co is definitely a better person than I am. I was perfectly friendly, but I will never like her, and inwardly I had some snarky thoughts about her ostentatiously shouting comments and commands to her children in a different language.
We saw PKD again too, of course, and seeing him made me realize/remember that we went from hoping for him, a biologist with his own children, to our frozen donor, a biologist with his own child. Heh. (We do like the nerdy.)
I still feel a sadness about PKD, just because he represents a whole alternate reality I had created in my head, and now it can never exist; even though Co, and I, and PKD were all game to give it a try. But I couldn't be happier about Embryo-O, so the story doesn't end sadly. "Futures not achieved are only branches of the past: dead branches." (Italo Calvino)
Then we jumped in the car to attend a baby naming several hours away. This is a long-awaited adoptive son of dear friends, and it was lovely to see him and help welcome him into their community.
Also notable is that at this event, we finally met The Wife of our PKD from back in February 2006. We really liked him, but then back in March 2006 he said that while he was interested in donating, his wife said she could never be comfortable with it. We were annoyed with her not because she had an issue -- that's understandable -- but because she let him talk about donation, let him meet us and like us and talk about wanting to really do it, and only then did she nix the plan. We would rather not have been strung along.
We'd been dreading having to meet her someday, since she is the friend of friends, but really it was under the best of circumstances. We were all happy about Baby Z., and as Co put it, since we have this pregnancy-secret we're carrying around (she more literally than I), we could think "I don't want your guy's sperm anyway, lady!" In fact, Co chatted with her for quite some time. Co is definitely a better person than I am. I was perfectly friendly, but I will never like her, and inwardly I had some snarky thoughts about her ostentatiously shouting comments and commands to her children in a different language.
We saw PKD again too, of course, and seeing him made me realize/remember that we went from hoping for him, a biologist with his own children, to our frozen donor, a biologist with his own child. Heh. (We do like the nerdy.)
I still feel a sadness about PKD, just because he represents a whole alternate reality I had created in my head, and now it can never exist; even though Co, and I, and PKD were all game to give it a try. But I couldn't be happier about Embryo-O, so the story doesn't end sadly. "Futures not achieved are only branches of the past: dead branches." (Italo Calvino)
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Photo Friday: Products!
First a quick announcement that Dr. Mellow has undergone a name change. She will heretofore be known as Dr. F-Head. This is partially because, well, she is a f-head. Also because when I told my friend about her (I was recommending her at the time) she actually thought her name was the F-word. (I truly don't care if I'm giving away her identity.) I also feel bad that I didn't take the stories about her seriously until something happened to me. Oh, well, I am a proponent of experiential learning...
************************
These are my hair products. I have dry, curly hair, and I need every single one of these items to get my hair to behave (and still, some days, it doesn't). The sheer excess of this is highlighted in our home by Co's 2-in-1 shampoo.
I got most of these products from my hairdresser, who is my absolute savior. Four of our six-person mah-jongg group now see her (including Co). She came to our wedding (she did our hair,of course!). If you have curly hair (or even if you don't) and live anywhere near me, you need her phone number, and I will provide. In terms of the products, the B*uncy Creme in particular (blue pump on the far left) is corporate America's gift to curly-haired women. My hairdresser can barely keep it in stock. It really does define the curl and tame the frizz. The G*rnier N*ctris (small green tub) of course comes from See Vee Ess (another great love of mine, more below). Ordinarily I must purchase only salon products, to my great frustration, but another curly buddy recommended this stuff and it really helps to dab a little on just to seal the curls.
Here, you see Co's seltzer stash. It's ironic that Co is the seltzer drinker in the family because I come from a long line of imbibers. My great-grandparents had a seltzer delivery man who brought them those wonderful old seltzer bottles on a weekly basis; I myself grew up in a sea of plastic bottles (if I took them back to the store I was allowed to keep the nickels). But Co loves her seltzer, and thank goodness it's a vice she can keep even now that she's pregnant. There's a great Allan Sherman song called "Seltzer Boy" that we sing around the house ("Water I hate it....'cause it aint' carbonated....").
See Vee Ess....ah, See Vee Ess. My favorite chain store. The only chain store, in fact, I can abide. I am non-corporate in my beliefs, but I cannot help my love for this one place of business. Maybe because it was the first chain store I had much familiarity with; I discovered it in the town we moved to when I was ten. I found it pretty cool that you could go into a See Vee Ess just about anywhere, and feel like you were right at your home See Vee Ess. Of course, I find this same concept much less charming in the case of, say, Mickey D's. I've been to one in Montreal and one in Poland and I think it's depressing that they could both be Middle America. But somehow See Vee Ess is special to me. This photo is of the store in Brookline, Massachusetts (Coolidge Corner, if that means anything to you) that started it all.
************************
These are my hair products. I have dry, curly hair, and I need every single one of these items to get my hair to behave (and still, some days, it doesn't). The sheer excess of this is highlighted in our home by Co's 2-in-1 shampoo.
I got most of these products from my hairdresser, who is my absolute savior. Four of our six-person mah-jongg group now see her (including Co). She came to our wedding (she did our hair,of course!). If you have curly hair (or even if you don't) and live anywhere near me, you need her phone number, and I will provide. In terms of the products, the B*uncy Creme in particular (blue pump on the far left) is corporate America's gift to curly-haired women. My hairdresser can barely keep it in stock. It really does define the curl and tame the frizz. The G*rnier N*ctris (small green tub) of course comes from See Vee Ess (another great love of mine, more below). Ordinarily I must purchase only salon products, to my great frustration, but another curly buddy recommended this stuff and it really helps to dab a little on just to seal the curls.
Here, you see Co's seltzer stash. It's ironic that Co is the seltzer drinker in the family because I come from a long line of imbibers. My great-grandparents had a seltzer delivery man who brought them those wonderful old seltzer bottles on a weekly basis; I myself grew up in a sea of plastic bottles (if I took them back to the store I was allowed to keep the nickels). But Co loves her seltzer, and thank goodness it's a vice she can keep even now that she's pregnant. There's a great Allan Sherman song called "Seltzer Boy" that we sing around the house ("Water I hate it....'cause it aint' carbonated....").
See Vee Ess....ah, See Vee Ess. My favorite chain store. The only chain store, in fact, I can abide. I am non-corporate in my beliefs, but I cannot help my love for this one place of business. Maybe because it was the first chain store I had much familiarity with; I discovered it in the town we moved to when I was ten. I found it pretty cool that you could go into a See Vee Ess just about anywhere, and feel like you were right at your home See Vee Ess. Of course, I find this same concept much less charming in the case of, say, Mickey D's. I've been to one in Montreal and one in Poland and I think it's depressing that they could both be Middle America. But somehow See Vee Ess is special to me. This photo is of the store in Brookline, Massachusetts (Coolidge Corner, if that means anything to you) that started it all.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Updates
Embryo-O is growing rapidly, now a ginormous 1.27 cm (.46 cm last Friday). Dr. Quick was pleased and next Friday's ultrasound may be the last with the RE!
Fortunately, I have already scheduled our first prenatal appointment with Little Fruit Midwives (you know us too well, Cali; you were right, of cousre, about our enthusiasm levels). There is little point in my veil of secrecy so I'll go ahead and post the link here: they're called Clementine Midwifery and we're very excited to be using them.
In potentially more disturbing news, I have succumbed to consumerism and started to look at a few baby products online...so far I'm only serious about wheeled bassinets and changing tables (I found The Changing Table, I think; it's all about space efficiency). That's the only furniture we need at first, and a good thing in our tiny apartment. I did look at strollers and car seats, but I still find them both mystifying. I was mightily disappointed with the diaper bags. I don't care how tacky it makes me, I want a diaper bag with P**h on it or that otherwise screams "Hi, I'm a diaper bag!" (though in a gender neutral fashion). And apparently the pendulum has swung so far in the stylish direction that tacky folks like me are in trouble. Glad I know to start the search early.
**********************************
I have some other news, about my own bloodwork. When Co was freaking out and convinced she was completely infertile, she begged me to assure her that I would be willing to go instead and have two kids. I said I would, and towards this end, I have started charting, and gotten blood taken to check some basic fertility stuff. I had a cd3 blood draw two days ago. Dr. Mellow called today with some of the results. I have the estradiol levels of a menopausal woman (I think she said 32). She still needs to find out my FSH results but if they are similar then pregnancy is not an option for me.
I take back everything nice I said about her. What a rotten, crappy thing to say to someone on the first warm weather Friday of spring. "I don't have all the information so I might be saying this for no reason but you are all dried up like your mom and you can't get pregnant."
I wasn't expecting anything this drastic, since I have menstruated monthly, ceaselessly, since I was ten and a half years old. My mother and sister were both easily fertile. But I'm broken.
Good thing I am getting to all this non-bio mom stuff early.
(I know I have nothing to complain about. I have a baby on the way, a wife who could most likely bear us a second child, insurance that covers most of it, a local government that will let me adopt my children. But I can't help but feel that the wind has been sucked right the hell out of my sails.)
I will do Photo Friday later this weekend. I'm just not feeling it right now.
Fortunately, I have already scheduled our first prenatal appointment with Little Fruit Midwives (you know us too well, Cali; you were right, of cousre, about our enthusiasm levels). There is little point in my veil of secrecy so I'll go ahead and post the link here: they're called Clementine Midwifery and we're very excited to be using them.
In potentially more disturbing news, I have succumbed to consumerism and started to look at a few baby products online...so far I'm only serious about wheeled bassinets and changing tables (I found The Changing Table, I think; it's all about space efficiency). That's the only furniture we need at first, and a good thing in our tiny apartment. I did look at strollers and car seats, but I still find them both mystifying. I was mightily disappointed with the diaper bags. I don't care how tacky it makes me, I want a diaper bag with P**h on it or that otherwise screams "Hi, I'm a diaper bag!" (though in a gender neutral fashion). And apparently the pendulum has swung so far in the stylish direction that tacky folks like me are in trouble. Glad I know to start the search early.
**********************************
I have some other news, about my own bloodwork. When Co was freaking out and convinced she was completely infertile, she begged me to assure her that I would be willing to go instead and have two kids. I said I would, and towards this end, I have started charting, and gotten blood taken to check some basic fertility stuff. I had a cd3 blood draw two days ago. Dr. Mellow called today with some of the results. I have the estradiol levels of a menopausal woman (I think she said 32). She still needs to find out my FSH results but if they are similar then pregnancy is not an option for me.
I take back everything nice I said about her. What a rotten, crappy thing to say to someone on the first warm weather Friday of spring. "I don't have all the information so I might be saying this for no reason but you are all dried up like your mom and you can't get pregnant."
I wasn't expecting anything this drastic, since I have menstruated monthly, ceaselessly, since I was ten and a half years old. My mother and sister were both easily fertile. But I'm broken.
Good thing I am getting to all this non-bio mom stuff early.
(I know I have nothing to complain about. I have a baby on the way, a wife who could most likely bear us a second child, insurance that covers most of it, a local government that will let me adopt my children. But I can't help but feel that the wind has been sucked right the hell out of my sails.)
I will do Photo Friday later this weekend. I'm just not feeling it right now.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Confessions of the Other Mother
In upbeat news: I got my pregnancy organizer in the mail. Oh, what fun! It has lists, and boxes to check off. And more lists, and more boxes to check off. I love it. I had no idea such a product existed until we did our pregnancy book searches. Get ready for this, Maeby.
Today is the 2nd ultrasound with Dr. Quick (and the 3rd counting the one we had with Dr. Mellow). Fingers crossed for positive results.
***********************************
I definitely need to get the book by that title (of this post).
I've been mulling this post over in my head for a few days, and was urged on to the computer by Charlotte's thoughts.
Through the whole TTC process, and even once we finally got Co knocked up, it never crossed my mind to worry about being the non-bio mom. Though I want to be pregnant, I also want very much to have a child that is a part of Co. I have no concerns about loving the baby, or feeling connected to it. I mean....look at how connected we both are to the dachshund (who, by the way, is adopted). On a more serious note, I've always known I could be comfortable with (human) adoption, we just have a preference for this way and so far it's worked (knock wood).
For purposes of clarification, when I use the words "Mom" and "Dad" throughout this post, I mean them in the most stereotypical/archetypical way. And probably I mean them as they have been informed by my own experience of a "Mom" and a "Dad." Obviously these roles have fluidity in our real lives.
I've had unexpected flashes, as we move slowly, superstitiously through the pregnancy, of fear and anxiety. As Charlotte indicated, it's really only as we interact with people outside of our relationship, and outside of our world. Co and all of our lesbian/honorary lesbian friends (both in and out of the blogosphere) treat me as I see myself: co-mom.
But, I am realizing, not everyone does. Co and I found out about "our" pregnancy first, so for a brief moment Co was the only preggie in the mah-jongg group (though by no means the only one trying). As such, we got to set the unspoken rules, and I was able to be the mom I see myself to be. But now that CF is pregnant, that's changed. She and Co are pregnant. The rest of us are not. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground. (Fortunately this has no effect on my passionate feelings for mah-jongg.)
I had a minor meltdown at the OB the other day. I was leafing through one of those "How Your Baby Grows" pamphlets and showing Co pix of the little tadpoles. She snapped at me to stop (apparently they were grossing her out and she was nauseated; I thought the tadpoles were cute). I admit that I was being gross when I tried to tell her what amniotic fluid is made of* but I didn't realize she was feeling sick. She whispered that she was trying not to puke, so I offered her the Preggie Pop in my pocket and kept my factoids to myself. Shortly after this interaction, she moved to sit next to CF and the two of them started whispering and giggling obviously, but inaudibly (to me). CF's husband was doing a crossword puzzle. I finally went out to do some errands (no problem due to the whole late-because-delivering-a-baby thing) so I would be blubbering on Big Avenue rather than in the tiny office. (There was more to this decision on Co's part that can't be blogged, but the point is, I was hurt.)
That same day CF said her hubby and I should start a club. And again, the sting: I am the one who did the research, made the phone calls and appointments from sperm bank to midwives, mulled over all the decisions, read and Googled so much I at times know more than Co about conception and pregnancy. Certainly I don't share that with hubby. Yet at the end of the day, that's his biological baby. I don't share that with him, either. So that made me want to cry, too.
Co reminds me that in terms of my own behavior, she (Co) did motion to me to come sit with her when she moved to sit with CF. But by then I was Hurt, and therefore Sulking, so I did not. And by the time I needed to get out of the office to do my errands, CF and her hubby were off having lunch, so I left Co alone in the waiting room. I can definitely be a brat.
My sister enthusiastically IM-ed Co after we got the first ultrasound to congratulate her, even though I was on IM as well. Co said something like "yeah, congratulations to both of us" and my sister said "You're the one who's pregnant!" Yeah. Thanks for the reminder, Easily Fertile Sib.
I do believe that I occupy an unfamiliar space, at least to heterosexuals. I am not a dad, I'm a second mom. Perhaps the closest existing (heterosexual) category is stepmother, which is fraught with its own issues. When one couple we know had a baby, a mutual friend of ours said (of the non-bio parent) "She's a dad!" At first I thought that was a weird thing to say but then I realized it's kind of true, in this friend's case. She's not the biological parent and her role is more like my own dad's was (I mean this in a good way, my dad's role in my life having been complicated to say the least), in that there's no question who the "mom" is. I've seen this in other queer relationships, and there's nothing wrong with it. There are lesbian "moms" who don't want to be called Mom, or any facsimilie thereof. That's an easier dynamic to understand from the outside.
But I am no lesbian dad. If anything, my stoic, athletic, sports-watching Co will be the "dad." I am all mom, all the time, from the time I adopted my C*bb*ge Patch Kid (which I did legally, I sent away for the certificate and everything) through my adoption of the infant-sized Maggie Mae. I won't mind not being the "boobie mama" (thanks to Charlotte for the term) this time around but I am going to have to make clear, I guess, that today, at 7 weeks 1 day, I am the mama, and I always will be.
More food for thought on this subject can be found here.
*Amniotic fluid is mostly made up of fetal pee. Well, you read the note!
Today is the 2nd ultrasound with Dr. Quick (and the 3rd counting the one we had with Dr. Mellow). Fingers crossed for positive results.
***********************************
I definitely need to get the book by that title (of this post).
I've been mulling this post over in my head for a few days, and was urged on to the computer by Charlotte's thoughts.
Through the whole TTC process, and even once we finally got Co knocked up, it never crossed my mind to worry about being the non-bio mom. Though I want to be pregnant, I also want very much to have a child that is a part of Co. I have no concerns about loving the baby, or feeling connected to it. I mean....look at how connected we both are to the dachshund (who, by the way, is adopted). On a more serious note, I've always known I could be comfortable with (human) adoption, we just have a preference for this way and so far it's worked (knock wood).
For purposes of clarification, when I use the words "Mom" and "Dad" throughout this post, I mean them in the most stereotypical/archetypical way. And probably I mean them as they have been informed by my own experience of a "Mom" and a "Dad." Obviously these roles have fluidity in our real lives.
I've had unexpected flashes, as we move slowly, superstitiously through the pregnancy, of fear and anxiety. As Charlotte indicated, it's really only as we interact with people outside of our relationship, and outside of our world. Co and all of our lesbian/honorary lesbian friends (both in and out of the blogosphere) treat me as I see myself: co-mom.
But, I am realizing, not everyone does. Co and I found out about "our" pregnancy first, so for a brief moment Co was the only preggie in the mah-jongg group (though by no means the only one trying). As such, we got to set the unspoken rules, and I was able to be the mom I see myself to be. But now that CF is pregnant, that's changed. She and Co are pregnant. The rest of us are not. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground. (Fortunately this has no effect on my passionate feelings for mah-jongg.)
I had a minor meltdown at the OB the other day. I was leafing through one of those "How Your Baby Grows" pamphlets and showing Co pix of the little tadpoles. She snapped at me to stop (apparently they were grossing her out and she was nauseated; I thought the tadpoles were cute). I admit that I was being gross when I tried to tell her what amniotic fluid is made of* but I didn't realize she was feeling sick. She whispered that she was trying not to puke, so I offered her the Preggie Pop in my pocket and kept my factoids to myself. Shortly after this interaction, she moved to sit next to CF and the two of them started whispering and giggling obviously, but inaudibly (to me). CF's husband was doing a crossword puzzle. I finally went out to do some errands (no problem due to the whole late-because-delivering-a-baby thing) so I would be blubbering on Big Avenue rather than in the tiny office. (There was more to this decision on Co's part that can't be blogged, but the point is, I was hurt.)
That same day CF said her hubby and I should start a club. And again, the sting: I am the one who did the research, made the phone calls and appointments from sperm bank to midwives, mulled over all the decisions, read and Googled so much I at times know more than Co about conception and pregnancy. Certainly I don't share that with hubby. Yet at the end of the day, that's his biological baby. I don't share that with him, either. So that made me want to cry, too.
Co reminds me that in terms of my own behavior, she (Co) did motion to me to come sit with her when she moved to sit with CF. But by then I was Hurt, and therefore Sulking, so I did not. And by the time I needed to get out of the office to do my errands, CF and her hubby were off having lunch, so I left Co alone in the waiting room. I can definitely be a brat.
My sister enthusiastically IM-ed Co after we got the first ultrasound to congratulate her, even though I was on IM as well. Co said something like "yeah, congratulations to both of us" and my sister said "You're the one who's pregnant!" Yeah. Thanks for the reminder, Easily Fertile Sib.
I do believe that I occupy an unfamiliar space, at least to heterosexuals. I am not a dad, I'm a second mom. Perhaps the closest existing (heterosexual) category is stepmother, which is fraught with its own issues. When one couple we know had a baby, a mutual friend of ours said (of the non-bio parent) "She's a dad!" At first I thought that was a weird thing to say but then I realized it's kind of true, in this friend's case. She's not the biological parent and her role is more like my own dad's was (I mean this in a good way, my dad's role in my life having been complicated to say the least), in that there's no question who the "mom" is. I've seen this in other queer relationships, and there's nothing wrong with it. There are lesbian "moms" who don't want to be called Mom, or any facsimilie thereof. That's an easier dynamic to understand from the outside.
But I am no lesbian dad. If anything, my stoic, athletic, sports-watching Co will be the "dad." I am all mom, all the time, from the time I adopted my C*bb*ge Patch Kid (which I did legally, I sent away for the certificate and everything) through my adoption of the infant-sized Maggie Mae. I won't mind not being the "boobie mama" (thanks to Charlotte for the term) this time around but I am going to have to make clear, I guess, that today, at 7 weeks 1 day, I am the mama, and I always will be.
More food for thought on this subject can be found here.
*Amniotic fluid is mostly made up of fetal pee. Well, you read the note!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Midwife Day
Our first consult today was with the Little Fruit Midwives (the practice is named for a little fruit). There are two of them; we met with Midwife Apple (so named both because her first name starts with an A, and because she does have red rosy cheeks, and is pregnant, so also round like an apple).
We both really, really liked her. She spent plenty of time with us and answered all of our questions. Their Caesarean rate is even lower than Dr. Mellow's at 13% (16% if you count breeches). She said they only perform episiotomies if the baby is in distress. They deliver at University Hospital nearby (the other option is Protestant Hospital*, where Dr. Mellow practices); she said they use U.H. because they can practice as they choose, which means no routine interventions during labor (no IV's, only intermittent fetal monitoring, eating and drinking during labor, changing positions, and two rooms with tubs). If we are sure to choose a specific pediatric practice and if the pediatricians cooperate (they don't always), we can be discharged after 12 hours (but have the right to stay longer if we wish).
They're very easy to get in touch with; one of the voice mail options rings directly to their cell phones, and we can also email for less urgent issues. That's a real comfort.
The Little Fruit Midwives have fewer, but longer pre-natal visits, which appeals to Co. Charmingly, they have a list of names of babies they've delivered on the wall, and even more charmingly, one baby is named after their practice.
************************************************
Today's second visit was to Neighborhood Midwives. The neighborhood in their name is ours, but the only consult appointment available this week was in Large Jewish Neighborhood. That wasn't the most comfortable experience, but ordinarily we'd go to their office a few blocks away. Actually, the location of their neighborhood office is about 100 feet from the location of Little Fruit's office.
We met with Midwife R; there are two others in the practice. She was lovely. Their Caesarean rate (from last year) is the lowest yet at 10%, and she said that was high for the practice, they're usually closer to 7%. They deliver at Protestant Hospital and said they've been happy with it and are able to make their own rules for labor (which is to say no rules: you can get up and down, eat and drink, etc.). We can also likely leave the hospital after 24 hours, there's a pediatrician who almost always releases babies at that point. (The information from both midwives about getting released from the hospital totally contradicts Dr. Mellow; clearly we weren't getting the whole story.)
There's always a midwife on call and if you have an urgent issue the answering service will page her, and she will call back immediately.
*************************
Here's our verdict: We liked both midwife practices a great deal. Especially after the helpful comments to our last post (thanks so much, folks), we are definitely going with one of the midwife options. But which one??
What it seems to come down to is Mama Midwife (Neighborhood Midwives) or Older Sister Midwife (Little Fruit Midwives). Little Fruit felt more personally familiar: a waiting room with a sign that says "help yourself to tea" and papered with fliers for local nursing/mommming/hypnobirthing/prenatal yoga groups. They don't have a receptionist and Co helped Midwife Apple reboot her computer. Neighborhood Midwives have been in practice over 20 years, are clearly more organized with multiple receptionists and a waiting room with fliers for cord blood and backwards R store product catalogues.
We will come to our own decision, but if you, oh Internets, have any pearls of wisdom to throw our way, we'd love to hear them.
*Co says that it is best to entrust one's health care to the Catholics or the Jews, but in this neighborhood Protestant Hospital is what we got.
We both really, really liked her. She spent plenty of time with us and answered all of our questions. Their Caesarean rate is even lower than Dr. Mellow's at 13% (16% if you count breeches). She said they only perform episiotomies if the baby is in distress. They deliver at University Hospital nearby (the other option is Protestant Hospital*, where Dr. Mellow practices); she said they use U.H. because they can practice as they choose, which means no routine interventions during labor (no IV's, only intermittent fetal monitoring, eating and drinking during labor, changing positions, and two rooms with tubs). If we are sure to choose a specific pediatric practice and if the pediatricians cooperate (they don't always), we can be discharged after 12 hours (but have the right to stay longer if we wish).
They're very easy to get in touch with; one of the voice mail options rings directly to their cell phones, and we can also email for less urgent issues. That's a real comfort.
The Little Fruit Midwives have fewer, but longer pre-natal visits, which appeals to Co. Charmingly, they have a list of names of babies they've delivered on the wall, and even more charmingly, one baby is named after their practice.
************************************************
Today's second visit was to Neighborhood Midwives. The neighborhood in their name is ours, but the only consult appointment available this week was in Large Jewish Neighborhood. That wasn't the most comfortable experience, but ordinarily we'd go to their office a few blocks away. Actually, the location of their neighborhood office is about 100 feet from the location of Little Fruit's office.
We met with Midwife R; there are two others in the practice. She was lovely. Their Caesarean rate (from last year) is the lowest yet at 10%, and she said that was high for the practice, they're usually closer to 7%. They deliver at Protestant Hospital and said they've been happy with it and are able to make their own rules for labor (which is to say no rules: you can get up and down, eat and drink, etc.). We can also likely leave the hospital after 24 hours, there's a pediatrician who almost always releases babies at that point. (The information from both midwives about getting released from the hospital totally contradicts Dr. Mellow; clearly we weren't getting the whole story.)
There's always a midwife on call and if you have an urgent issue the answering service will page her, and she will call back immediately.
*************************
Here's our verdict: We liked both midwife practices a great deal. Especially after the helpful comments to our last post (thanks so much, folks), we are definitely going with one of the midwife options. But which one??
What it seems to come down to is Mama Midwife (Neighborhood Midwives) or Older Sister Midwife (Little Fruit Midwives). Little Fruit felt more personally familiar: a waiting room with a sign that says "help yourself to tea" and papered with fliers for local nursing/mommming/hypnobirthing/prenatal yoga groups. They don't have a receptionist and Co helped Midwife Apple reboot her computer. Neighborhood Midwives have been in practice over 20 years, are clearly more organized with multiple receptionists and a waiting room with fliers for cord blood and backwards R store product catalogues.
We will come to our own decision, but if you, oh Internets, have any pearls of wisdom to throw our way, we'd love to hear them.
*Co says that it is best to entrust one's health care to the Catholics or the Jews, but in this neighborhood Protestant Hospital is what we got.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
OB Appointment
First of all, big bloggy congratulations to Charlotte and S.! Baby #2 is on the way!
And another congratulations to Gaye and Clare on the birth of their son!
************
We spent most of our day at the OB/Gyn office. Co had an 11:30 Gyn appointment which was made months ago, so we figured we'd keep it and do a combo Gyn appointment/OB consultation while we could. Our appointment was much later because the doctor was out...delivering 2 babies. By the time we got home it was after 4 (and she's only 5 minutes away from our house). We didn't mind so much, though if it had just been a Gyn appointment it would have been annoying.
When we arrived, who was sitting in the waiting room but CF, Co's due date buddy! She sees this doctor as well on our recommendation. So that made the wait more bearable as well.
To be honest, I was not expecting to like the OB. To clarify: I like her, she is my Gyn, but I've been very excited about our midwife appointments and somewhat dismissive of the OB option. After this meeting I feel like she is a great option, which may make the decision more difficult (I know, we should all have such difficulties).
The doctor did an ultrasound, which we weren't expecting, so we got another peek at Embryo-O's beating/flickering heart. She pronounced it a "good strong heartbeat." Another highlight from the appointment was when she did Co's Pap smear, the brush came out with gunk on it and she said, "Are you using progesterone suppositories or is this yeast?" Eeeeeeuw. Co was fascinated that the progesterone was still up there. (And you worry about your downstairs, Cali!)
Dr. Mellow (so named for the attitude described in this paragraph) was very open to my questions and gave what I thought were the best possible answers. She said that "pregnancy is simple" and that while she always wants to know about symptoms, she will "shrug my shoulders" at most of them because "that's pregnancy, it's only 9 months."
This philosophy puts me at ease not least because my own parents have always been very non-interventionist in our care, from pre-natal on. My sister and I were both born at home. The doctor who delivered us was also our pediatrician. My mom tells a story about calling him in hysterics about some rash I had as an infant (I'm the oldest, the first baby). He said solemnly, "Oh yes. I know that rash. That's the 'vervase rash'." My mom began questioning him about this "vervase rash" for a few minutes until she realized (and he knew she knew this) that "vervase" is Yiddish for "who knows."
Dr. Mellow's Caesarean rate is 17% which, she said, is less than the national average (no, I don't know what the national average is). She practices at a hospital that's walking distance from our home. Mother and baby will have to stay at that hospital for 48 hours after a vaginal birth, 72 after a C-section. She said the baby staying with us depends on what the baby needs. My staying over depends on whether we get a private room, which is first come first serve.
She gave us a referral to schedule the "ultrascreen," a.k.a. nuchal fold screening at M*donna Perninatal next door. I like the name. :-) And though we're still both mightily superstitious, it's intoxicating to be thinking ahead like this. The receptionist who booked the appointment was excited that we were a couple and gave me some props that I was needing for being such a great othermom (I was the one who rattled off last menstrual period, due date, dates of appts, etc).
Also, and this is silly, but I like it that she has an Israeli/Jewish name and her partner in the practice has a clearly Arab last name. Our own little Middle East peace practice. My mother will be delighted.
Tomorrow, two consult appointments at local midwife practices.
And another congratulations to Gaye and Clare on the birth of their son!
************
We spent most of our day at the OB/Gyn office. Co had an 11:30 Gyn appointment which was made months ago, so we figured we'd keep it and do a combo Gyn appointment/OB consultation while we could. Our appointment was much later because the doctor was out...delivering 2 babies. By the time we got home it was after 4 (and she's only 5 minutes away from our house). We didn't mind so much, though if it had just been a Gyn appointment it would have been annoying.
When we arrived, who was sitting in the waiting room but CF, Co's due date buddy! She sees this doctor as well on our recommendation. So that made the wait more bearable as well.
To be honest, I was not expecting to like the OB. To clarify: I like her, she is my Gyn, but I've been very excited about our midwife appointments and somewhat dismissive of the OB option. After this meeting I feel like she is a great option, which may make the decision more difficult (I know, we should all have such difficulties).
The doctor did an ultrasound, which we weren't expecting, so we got another peek at Embryo-O's beating/flickering heart. She pronounced it a "good strong heartbeat." Another highlight from the appointment was when she did Co's Pap smear, the brush came out with gunk on it and she said, "Are you using progesterone suppositories or is this yeast?" Eeeeeeuw. Co was fascinated that the progesterone was still up there. (And you worry about your downstairs, Cali!)
Dr. Mellow (so named for the attitude described in this paragraph) was very open to my questions and gave what I thought were the best possible answers. She said that "pregnancy is simple" and that while she always wants to know about symptoms, she will "shrug my shoulders" at most of them because "that's pregnancy, it's only 9 months."
This philosophy puts me at ease not least because my own parents have always been very non-interventionist in our care, from pre-natal on. My sister and I were both born at home. The doctor who delivered us was also our pediatrician. My mom tells a story about calling him in hysterics about some rash I had as an infant (I'm the oldest, the first baby). He said solemnly, "Oh yes. I know that rash. That's the 'vervase rash'." My mom began questioning him about this "vervase rash" for a few minutes until she realized (and he knew she knew this) that "vervase" is Yiddish for "who knows."
Dr. Mellow's Caesarean rate is 17% which, she said, is less than the national average (no, I don't know what the national average is). She practices at a hospital that's walking distance from our home. Mother and baby will have to stay at that hospital for 48 hours after a vaginal birth, 72 after a C-section. She said the baby staying with us depends on what the baby needs. My staying over depends on whether we get a private room, which is first come first serve.
She gave us a referral to schedule the "ultrascreen," a.k.a. nuchal fold screening at M*donna Perninatal next door. I like the name. :-) And though we're still both mightily superstitious, it's intoxicating to be thinking ahead like this. The receptionist who booked the appointment was excited that we were a couple and gave me some props that I was needing for being such a great othermom (I was the one who rattled off last menstrual period, due date, dates of appts, etc).
Also, and this is silly, but I like it that she has an Israeli/Jewish name and her partner in the practice has a clearly Arab last name. Our own little Middle East peace practice. My mother will be delighted.
Tomorrow, two consult appointments at local midwife practices.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Question About Questions
Tomorrow we visit an OB (who we see for gyn stuff), the first of three visits this week to potential care providers for Co and Embryo-O. Any questions we should be sure to ask? (I thought the pregnancy books would have something to say on this topic, as all the wedding books had lists of questions for potential venues...alas, the two we bought did not.)
Thanks!
Thanks!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Photo Friday: What We're Watching
We don't have HBO,but Co got into the Sopranos when A & E started showing reruns. Then I got her the first season for Valentine's Day and started watching with her...and the rest is history. I never thought the show would interest me, but the psychological and familial drama is fascinating. And watching it with a bona fide Italian: priceless. I'm sad that its ending, but relieved that we're only partway through season 2.
We don't have a DVR, though I'm growing increasingly tempted. However, if we did, here's what would be on it (my choices, but I watch all of these shows with Co):
*Jeopardy! I have long loved Jeopardy!; it's the only game show I like. I love playing along and on good days I think I could be a contestant. I play classroom Jeopardy to review units. I don't watch daily but if I'm watching T.V. when it's on I always check it out and love reruns on GSN as well.
*Law & Order. We love all of them. I wept when Jerry Orb*ch died. And if you have cable, well, it's just always on. Criminal Intent can be kind of annoying but since we've seen virtually all of the episodes of the other two, we caved. Trial by Jury deserved to be cancelled, though, I must admit. But we liked Convictions, another short-lived spin-offs about young DAs. Its on in reruns (all, like, 7 of them) on Sleuth TV.
*Medium. That is quality television.
*Scrubs. Scrubs just cracks me up. Thanks to Comedy Central reruns I've seen almost all of them now. I really like, too, that it's popular with my students, and I can actually let them relay Scrubs jokes in my classroom. Not so with South Park... (Kid: "And then Mr. Slave --" Lo: "That's enough!!" Kid: "But you dont' know what he did with the hamster!" Lo: "Oh, yes, I do, and that's enough!!")
*Degrassi: The Next Generation. How could any child of the 80s pass on this one...Spike's little girl, all grown up. Canadian TV, particularly kids' TV, is often much higher quality than ours, and this show is no exception. I've used it in the classroom to talk about various issues (most recently why you should NOT put up seductive photos on MySp*ce along with your home address and claim to be 17 when you are TWELVE). I've always been annoyed by the American advertising for the show ("Degrassi. It goes there"), sensationalizing issues that the show itself deals with sensitively and thoughtfully (Internet stalking, a school shooting, rape, etc.). Lately I do feel the show has become more sensationalist and sexy than I'd like, and certainly significantly more so than the old days when it was aired on PBS. Oh, well, our decadent society. Sigh.
And with this long list of T.V. shows, I'm really one to complain about our decadent society! As a kid I rarely watched television. Strange habit to pick up as an adult.
I leave you with one of the most gorgeous women on television (Co assures me she doesn't feel threatened).
Friday, April 13, 2007
Flicker
...because we saw the heartbeat flicker on the ultrasound screen.
So far, so good. Dr. Quick actually made a joke when he came in -- he said, "Today we get to see how many!" which he would only have said as a joke if he was sure there was one, since he takes multiples quite seriously.
Embryo-O, the one and only, measures at 1/4 inch, and appeared on the screen as a tiny dot with a distinct pulsing flicker. Dr. Quick pointed and said, "That's your baby's heartbeat." He definitely shows a different side at this stage. (I guess the only other phrase I've really heard him utter much is "Sperm is going in now.") He also pointed out that Co has some cysts on her ovaries left over from the cycle and told her to "be careful," which he clarified to mean not exercising too hard or "making sudden turns." Hmmm.
He did print us a picture of the little dot. In fact, he printed a second, handed it to me, and said "Here's one for you," apparently in response to my gasps of "That's the baby? It's alive?"
He said he'll continue to monitor Co for 2 to 3 more weeks to make sure everything is going well. She (we!) have another ultrasound next Friday. He said we'll see big differences.
Afterwards, as we planned, we stopped by Barn of Evil to take the plunge and buy pregnancy books. We picked up The Pregnancy Bible and Your Pregnancy Questions and Answers. We will buy more books but we wanted to have some in hand immediately. (So if you have recommendations of titles we shouldn't live without and haven't already told us, comment here!)
I definitely plan to order a pregnancy organizer I saw on-line because, well, I love to organize. Co's response to this announcement was, "You're going to organize my pregnancy?"
My response was, "Yes."
Finally, during Internet searches and today's real life search for pregnancy books, we have discovered that pregnancy books for men have the most insulting, asinine titles. "My Boys Can Swim!" and "The Caveman's Guide to Pregnancy" are two highlights. I have not chosen to partner with a man, but I do respect their intelligence more than those authors. Really.
So far, so good. Dr. Quick actually made a joke when he came in -- he said, "Today we get to see how many!" which he would only have said as a joke if he was sure there was one, since he takes multiples quite seriously.
Embryo-O, the one and only, measures at 1/4 inch, and appeared on the screen as a tiny dot with a distinct pulsing flicker. Dr. Quick pointed and said, "That's your baby's heartbeat." He definitely shows a different side at this stage. (I guess the only other phrase I've really heard him utter much is "Sperm is going in now.") He also pointed out that Co has some cysts on her ovaries left over from the cycle and told her to "be careful," which he clarified to mean not exercising too hard or "making sudden turns." Hmmm.
He did print us a picture of the little dot. In fact, he printed a second, handed it to me, and said "Here's one for you," apparently in response to my gasps of "That's the baby? It's alive?"
He said he'll continue to monitor Co for 2 to 3 more weeks to make sure everything is going well. She (we!) have another ultrasound next Friday. He said we'll see big differences.
Afterwards, as we planned, we stopped by Barn of Evil to take the plunge and buy pregnancy books. We picked up The Pregnancy Bible and Your Pregnancy Questions and Answers. We will buy more books but we wanted to have some in hand immediately. (So if you have recommendations of titles we shouldn't live without and haven't already told us, comment here!)
I definitely plan to order a pregnancy organizer I saw on-line because, well, I love to organize. Co's response to this announcement was, "You're going to organize my pregnancy?"
My response was, "Yes."
Finally, during Internet searches and today's real life search for pregnancy books, we have discovered that pregnancy books for men have the most insulting, asinine titles. "My Boys Can Swim!" and "The Caveman's Guide to Pregnancy" are two highlights. I have not chosen to partner with a man, but I do respect their intelligence more than those authors. Really.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
We Are Crazy
We are anxious people by nature, so maybe this is no surprise, but:
I am so superstitious that I have not felt comfortable buying pregnancy books yet (though thanks for your many recommendations). We've decided to go to a bookstore after Friday's ultrasound if it goes well.
The domino effect of this superstition is that when Co stops feeling nauseous, or has mild cramping, or sneezes and fears she has dislodged Embryo-O, we are left with Dr. Google and our dear, dear Internet buddies. Those of you who have received my frantic emails....thanks. Gettin' books on Friday, we hope.
Co has changed shampoo brands. Her clothes are uncomfortably tight but we're too superstitious to get the hand-me-down maternity clothes we have coming to us from my sister (plus my sis has warm weather clothes, not too useful in the Northeast's current version of spring).
We are both happy, too, of course, and immensely grateful. But we both feel awfully convinced that something could, even will, go horribly wrong at every turn. I'm not sure why that is in my case...perhaps that this is such a pinnacle for me. There is no other goal, no other wish I have nourished as long or as consistently as my desire to be a mom. There is nothing I have ever wanted this much. Do I deserve it? I am afraid to think so.
I am so superstitious that I have not felt comfortable buying pregnancy books yet (though thanks for your many recommendations). We've decided to go to a bookstore after Friday's ultrasound if it goes well.
The domino effect of this superstition is that when Co stops feeling nauseous, or has mild cramping, or sneezes and fears she has dislodged Embryo-O, we are left with Dr. Google and our dear, dear Internet buddies. Those of you who have received my frantic emails....thanks. Gettin' books on Friday, we hope.
Co has changed shampoo brands. Her clothes are uncomfortably tight but we're too superstitious to get the hand-me-down maternity clothes we have coming to us from my sister (plus my sis has warm weather clothes, not too useful in the Northeast's current version of spring).
We are both happy, too, of course, and immensely grateful. But we both feel awfully convinced that something could, even will, go horribly wrong at every turn. I'm not sure why that is in my case...perhaps that this is such a pinnacle for me. There is no other goal, no other wish I have nourished as long or as consistently as my desire to be a mom. There is nothing I have ever wanted this much. Do I deserve it? I am afraid to think so.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Some Questions
When is the first ultrasound when you get to see the baby/blob? (I mean, for those of us under an RE's careful, not to say obsessive, care.)
When do you get to hear the heartbeat?
When does the RE usually discharge you?
Midwife vs. OB? Discuss. (Given that Co definitely wants a hospital birth...but midwives can do that nowadays so we would definitely consider it, we just don't know the difference.)
And a corollary, what questions should we ask when we meet with midwives or OBs? I know this information will be in the books and I will be diving in headfirst, but if anyone has any specific questions they'd recommend I'm all ears.
What pregnancy books do you all recommend? (So far we only have the end of our lesbian conception books which say helpful things like "The pregnancy may be difficult if your partner doesn't want the baby, too.")
Advice and assive, please. I'm way too clueless to know the difference anyway. ;-)
When do you get to hear the heartbeat?
When does the RE usually discharge you?
Midwife vs. OB? Discuss. (Given that Co definitely wants a hospital birth...but midwives can do that nowadays so we would definitely consider it, we just don't know the difference.)
And a corollary, what questions should we ask when we meet with midwives or OBs? I know this information will be in the books and I will be diving in headfirst, but if anyone has any specific questions they'd recommend I'm all ears.
What pregnancy books do you all recommend? (So far we only have the end of our lesbian conception books which say helpful things like "The pregnancy may be difficult if your partner doesn't want the baby, too.")
Advice and assive, please. I'm way too clueless to know the difference anyway. ;-)
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