IUI #1: The Swan

The deed is done. Co, Jo, and I went to the midwife's office this morning. Having been through clinic IUIs with Co, I can't say enough good things about doing it with the midwife. She was gentle with the speculum (though I still have no love for that thing) and told me how great my cervix looked. Plus, it's nice to have someone you trust and like digging around down there with a headlamp and a catheter. As I've said before, we love this midwife; she was one of the first people to meet Jo (the other midwife delivered him, but she showed up at the hospital to take over within minutes of his birth), and she has a son just a few months younger than Jo.

It was nice that Co and Jo could be there, which would be impossible at the clinic, too. Jo actually stayed through the whole procedure. We'll do it again at 7:45 tonight.

Yesterday we took Jo to two attractions in the park -- the Audubon Center and the zoo. While we were at the Audubon Center and Jo was napping, Co took some amazing pictures of a swan and her two cygnets on the lake. She suggested that perhaps the swan -- with her two babies -- was a sign. Last night I was musing about what to name my tries (Co named hers after the tropical fish that swam to her fingers in the RE's fish tank; Jo was the result of Yellow Fish) and Co suggested birds, since our Jo is obsessed with "bobbies" (birdies). So, I bring you the Swan Try. Swans are, after all, a water bird.

To end, some pictures of the boy. Here's Jo hugging a giant "bobbie":

And here he is in a turtle shell at the zoo:

And Now, For The Other Eagle...

Positive OPK tonight. Midwife just called. IUI #1 at 8:30 tomorrow morning.

O.M.G.

The Eagle Has Landed

The title of this post was the title of the email my midwife sent when the sperm arrived at her office on Friday.

But the other eagle -- ovulation -- has not landed. It's cd14 and I will still test tonight, but I'm so nervous. Stupidly, I haven't successfully tracked my ovulation before so I have no real confidence that it happens.

Sigh.

Face.book Statuses that Didn't Make It, and An Update

Lo is itching to get started.
Lo is drinking her Fertili.tea. (I received the magic Internet Fertili.tea from the newly knocked-up Bree and I've been drinking my two daily cups diligently.)
Lo's cervix says LEAVE ME ALONE! (I had a Pap smear today, more documentation for the clinic.)
Lo does not like holding her pee for four hours. (I did my first OPK of the cycle tonight.)

I am going to start this cycle, but with our midwife. I met with her today and she is happy to do as many cycles as I want to with her. I called our fuzzy lesbian sperm bank and they are going to ship two vials to arrive on Friday. Wow.

I'm actually going to do at least two cycles with the midwife, because next cycle we'll be in town around ovulation time, but not for cd2 bloodwork. Whoops.

I'm actually very happy with this turn of events. I love our midwives -- I've never been so comfortable with any health professional -- and my associations with the office are all positive and happy. I initially thought it wouldn't make sense to inseminate with them, as much as I'd prefer it, because skipping interventions would be wasteful. But Dr. Paisan suggested natural cycles, without even a trigger shot, so in fact the protocol will be identical. Except: no monitoring, no cd2 bloodwork, and did I mention the office is around the corner??

So...here we go. Back on the roller coaster.

Cycle 1?

I had my HSG today. The tubes are all-clear. Hoo-boy, is that one unpleasant lesbian babymaking hoop to jump through.

The nurse made me pee in a cup for a pregnancy test before the test. Unfortunately, the Holy Spirit seems to be out of the babymaking business.

I can't do an IUI at the clinic this cycle, because the results of my genetic testing (those pesky inbreeding Ashkenazi Jews) isn't in. I suspect I will have the results by ovulation, but a cycle with the clinic starts with cd2 bloodwork and Dr. Paisan wanted "all our ducks in a row."

But while this may be my first time TTC, it is also not my first time, and I may have a way around those pesky clinic rules. I'll keep you posted.

**Note to IRL friends: We have not made our TTC news public, so please keep the information here under your collective hats until further notice.

CD1 Is Here

I can conclusively say I've never been excited about it before.

The Test Is In...

....and it's normal.

After 3 weeks of anxiety it's almost anti-climactic. But apparently ovarian reserve is not a concern.

I'm grateful.

Limbo

Yes, it has been over two weeks since my RE appointment. I called back the following Thursday, heart in my mouth. Because I'm a teacher it's not easy for me to make phone calls during work. I waited impatiently for recess and pulled out my cell phone. But there was no nurse available to speak to me; they would call back, I was told. The nurse who called me back said, "Oops, not yet. Wait another seven days to find out if you have any chance of fulfilling your lifelong dream of pregnancy!" Well. That's not exactly what she said. A paraphrase, if you will.

So I called back this past Thursday. I was considerably less excited and actually forgot to call until recess was almost over (it's scrambling-to-write-reports season). Once again: "Oh, those tests can take THREE weeks. Surely you don't mind pondering your fertility for another seven days?"

I don't think about it every minute. I can't, with a toddler in the house and those aforementioned report cards breathing down my neck. But somehow, the longer it takes to find out my results, the more I sink into assumed infertility.

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I've started several posts here about my results only to abandon them. My feelings about this blog are in limbo, too. When we started out, it was a way to participate in a community around (largely) lesbian baby-making. But that community has morphed; we're still in contact, but more often through FB and message boards these days. Honestly, I wish it weren't so. I can't write about my fertility on FB. Can you see the status updates? Ha. And I can't write blog-length personal posts on message boards. Well, I can, and I have; but I don't like to make it a common practice. This is my place to talk about me. But I wonder about the audience, not because I want to be a famous blogger, but because I used to imagine my circle of women reading. And now I don't know quite who I'm writing to anymore.

I want to clarify that the whine here is not about lost readership or popularity, it's about change. God, do I hate change.