Monday, January 23, 2006

Thoughts on our Potential Known Donor:
Here is why we think he is a good choice:
--He lives in a city three hours away from us. Not too close, not too far.
--He is a good friend of our extremely good friends. Again...not too close, not too far.
--He has certain physical traits in common with C., which I like. :-)
--He already is raising two children, so he does not have an unfulfilled need to be a father.

Here are some quirky things:
--He, like us, does not have a totally perfect medical history (but we're not really all that worried about it, because as Sacha explained eloquently on babycakes, we're not trying genetic engineering, we're just trying to have a kid....God knows what we would pass on could we procreate on our own & together...)
--He is in a 3-person relationship. We definitely don't have a problem with this, but this led a (straight) friend of ours to say that our life sounds like a made for TV movie. True. However, lesbians in search of a sperm donor is already a made for TV movie (or reality show, as someone's blog noted, sorry for not remembering who) so what's the diff?

I am interested in the input of the loyal readers I seem already to have. Obviously a lot will fall into place when we finally meet him to chat (in one month). But I am going to obsess in the meantime, so I want thoughts if you-all want to share them.


Sarah and BB said...

I understand completely. When we were looking for a donor, the distance was important. Our donor lives about 2.5 hours away, in a different country and although he has experience in being a donor, for us personally, it was important that we didn't run into him everyday or his family members.

There are so many things to consider, but I'm sure your gut feeling will help you. But it sounds like you are doing a great job already. By that, I mean, you already know enough about him that there will be no surprises (I hope). Good Luck !!

Lo said...

See, that's what's cool about Europe. 2.5 hours away is a different *country*!!

Amanda said...

Dear familyo,
Any info you want to provide is always welcome. You can email me at, or i can email YOU from my work address. i don't really want to put it out publicly. We are taking a break for numerous reasons, but still discuss it and think about it on a regular basis.
In regard to your donor--it does sound like it's made for tv, but then again, all of our lives do! The most important thing is that you have the feeling in your gut when you meet him...i think that's the only way to know for sure. Good luck!!

eryn said...

I agree with Amanda. Go with your gut. We did even when it meant saying no to a KD and I am so happy we did!

J said...

Hi - I stumbled over from....somewhere (can't remember) but my wife and I are in (somewhat) of the same boat.

Even as we're looking at unknown, frozen donors....we're not discounting anyone who has a history of heart attack in their past, or any other medical "red flag." (unless really really serious.)

I agree on the genetic engineering of a child discussion - As long as the kid's healthy (and at least a little cute) we'll be fine. Would I like blue eyes? Yeah, but that's the only genetic marker I'd really like, and if it doesn't happen, I'm ok with that too.

Good luck, and try not to obsess too tends to drive you insane.

charlotte said...

hey there,
us too!!
trying to decide on a KD, maybev frozen.
What an adventure!!
I like that your KD is in a 3 way relationship, because that indicates that he really really can grasp alternative families, and it seems like he will be able to not feel like the dad. He sounds great. My big question for you is do you like him a lot? He will be in your lives forever in some capacity, is why I ask.

Lo said...

Thanks, Charlotte....that's *exactly* how I feel. Someone in a 3 way relationship already immediately understands, on a visceral level, the concept of alternative family.
We don't yet if we like him a lot. We're meeting him for the first time next month. Yikes! I'm optimistic because the friends who "set this up" are people I've known for a long, long of them since we were 4 and 2 (I'm older!) and the other since high school. And I introduced them to each other (inadvertently, they were just at the same event at my mom's house) so maybe now they're going to return the favor in the biggest way ever!
Anyway, what I'm saying is, if these 2 friends of mine think that C. and I will like Potential Donor, that's a pretty good recommendation. And I really appreciate your comment about it because you're absolutely right...using KD is adding someone to your family. We don't want a co-parent, we want what one of my books calls a "super-uncle." :-)