So PKD said no.
It was a qualified no -- his partner wasn't so comfortable and we have the sense he is interested but if one's partner is uncomfortable, well, that does make it hard. So that's that. I guess I can't exactly blame the other party for hogging the sperm. Well. That there is a lie. I can, and I do, and I am, but I am trying to get over it.
This means we will need to use a Sperm Bank. If anyone has any positive suggestions, we sure would like to hear them. I know Charlotte had a good meeting at the Sperm Bank of California. Anyone know anything about Pacific Reproductive Services?
I was so excited. We were going to redefine family. We were going to have a baby with a cool guy. And it turns out we're not doing any of those cool things. We're just going to buy some sperm. I am trying not to feel like the biggest loser in the world.
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I'm so bummed for you.
Definitely educate yourself as much as possible. Estelle had a horrible experience with her bank; the donor has passed on a skin disorder to several kids (including her little boy) and the bank has yet to even admit it. So frankly I'm all for using someone you know if at all possible.
Maybe PKD knows someone?
Ah, Lo&Co, that sucks. I'm sorry.
We used California Cryobank... they were pricey but got us the goods when we needed them.
My big piece of wisdom: If you're working with an RE, see if they can store the juice for you. That way you can order more than one at a time, and not pay the exorbitant shipping fees more than once.
No no no. You are STILL redefining family in a cool way. Really. You are. You're just going to be doing it in a slightly different way than other people are doing it. How cool is that? I think that's awesome! So you don't have a known donor you're still embarking on an exciting journey. Am I cheering you up here or just sounding know-it-all-y and obnoxious? Cause I do mean it. Which ever way you two create family is going to be exciting and wonderful.
And besides, till you're knocked up, you never know what can happen. Known donors have been known to turn up in strange places...
Oh, I just read Art-Sweet's comment. Another price-saving option is to get your own tank. At least I heard it's price-saving. I never looked into it myself. I just heard it was because then you just have to ship the once and maybe you can even negotiate a discount on a bulk purchase???
Email Estelle, that's what they did. Of course, now they have a tank full of sperm that they probably won't use and can't in good conscience sell back to anyone.
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about that! Too much -- but I know you're going to make it some day.
Lorem, if we could use someone we knew, I think we would. But it's pretty, well, complicated. (Also there are sperm banks and there are sperm banks....I have the name of The Sperm Bank That Shall Not Be Named, and, uh, we will NOT be giving them our business...however, there are a number of lesbian feminists in California who I trust.)
Oh Lo, you are SO not a big loser. It's not as if you are being rejected - the issue at hand is the partner, not a criticism of you guys. I know it sucks, but it might suck worse if you used the PKD and then there was issues with his partner that made things uncomfortable for your family. I read in a blog somewhere about a woman who used a known donor and then the donors girlfriend confronted her and screamed at her at the accupuncturists office! AAt least I'm pretty sure that's how it went... the girlfriend accused her of having "stolen" his sperm from him and that she was going to take the mother to court to get the baby or something equally horrifying. I so wish I could remember whose blog that was in! The poor girl was getting accupuncture for her morning sickness at the time too, and got kicked out by the accupuncturist for causing a ruckus in the reception even though it wasn't her fault at all. We felt disappointed too when our PKD didn't happen for us, but we've felt excited choosing a donor now too! I look forward to hearing about choosing your donor girls :-)
That really sucks for you guys.
We never wanted a KD, but now see the draw to it (with Charlie's health issues). However if we had it to do over again, we would probably still go with a anonymous donor.
I've heard good things about PRS. Also about Midwest Sperm Bank in Chicago which is much less expensive (I hate to say cheap... in this context cheap just sounds wrong). Perhaps look into them?
And yeah, having your own tank is cheaper if you don't get pg on the first try and end up storing the other nine vials that you may or may not use indefinitely.
You KNOW how I feel about it you two, and I am glad you are ready to go into one direction. In TTC it's about the baby-making. No matter the method!
And you are NOT a loser for accepting that it wasn't going to work with the PKD. You made an intelligent decision.
Now go get your sperm girls!!
We're going with Cryogenic Labratories in Minnesota....so far they seem to have good pricing - and we don't think you have to pay a lot to get quality sperm - like, the donors education level means nothing to us.
Good luck!
Lots & lots of hugs for you both...I so totally know exactly what you're talking about & feeling. I'm still grieving - a bit - over the loss of the possibility of the whole "redefining" family thing. It just plain sucks. But I've been able to focus more on the end-product, and not so much the 5 minute process (I'm guessing here, not having ever insemmed before, but you get the gist) that gets the swimmers where they need to be. Be kind to yourselves and allow yourselves to feel sadness. Guess what I'm trying to say is, I get it. But from what I've heard, once you get a little wiggling one in your arms, how that little one got there will seem so much less important. I will also shamelessly admit that reading the soothing words of your other posters has helped me feel better in our own need to use a sperm bank.
I'm so sorry. But I remain optimistic about the sperm banks!! We could be headed there ourselves.And I agree that you are still redefining family. But it sucks not to have it turn out as you would like it to.
I have also visited pacrepro. I'll email you.
I'm sending you tons of love.
I'm so sorry. But I remain optimistic about the sperm banks!! We could be headed there ourselves.And I agree that you are still redefining family. But it sucks not to have it turn out as you would like it to.
I have also visited pacrepro. I'll email you.
I'm sending you tons of love.
awww, big hugs for both of you. You are redefining family by daring to have a baby and both be mom, and by raising that baby to see that as his or her reality. And that's totally cool.
We just went to a maybe baby group and there were a lot of positive things said both about Sperm Bank of CA and Pacific Reproductive.
Mermaid Grrrl...I think the girlfriend at the acupuncturist is actually a scene from the first season of The L Word. He he.
*sigh*
I'm disappointed for you, too. It did seem so likely and good. As a trying-to-become-parent who didn't get to go our original preferred route (private adoption) and are struggling with the uncertainties of our 2nd choice option (which we're really happy about - if it works!), I know what you're going through.
I'm really sorry it didn't work out, but I'm sure something *will*, hopefully sooner than later.
Why would Lo maybe go first w/ a sperm bank, instead of Co? So Co can work herself silly to save up money and Lo can chart?
I wish we had another PKD up our sleeves for you. I wish we could do something to make this one work out. But of course we can't. It's gonna be a little weird wondering why she said no and being kinda upset that she did but not really wanting to bring it up with her cuz it's none of our business. I'll have to get over it.
Awwww! I'm soooo sorry guys! I just read this after just emailing you and I wish I would've read it before hand so I would've written you a more appopriate message. You guys are going to make awesome mommies! And your children are going to love you so much and appreciate everything you went through just to have them. :-) I just wish it wasn't this hard for you! Hope you still had a chance to have a happy Pi Day!
I just now catching up with you gals. (((hugs))) what an effing bummer.
You are not the biggest looser in the world. And many of us have used "bought" sperm. I am kinda glad taht we bught ours just for the fear that a donor could force his way in to see our child even if we didn't want it. And in the event that I died he could fight E for custody and win. So for us the bank route was better, even with all the problems that the chuzzle has had. I have heard great thing about the sperm bank of California.
Lo,
Try not to let this get you down. This is merely another avenue--one that could very well be more suited to you guys in the long run. There is something really fabulous about going it alone, and knowing that you have full autonomy over the situation. i'm sure you guys will pick JUST the right donor and feel great about it in time. For now, don't let it set you back emotionally--even for a minute. i'm sending you guys mega-positive energy.
OMG I am truly going senile. I can't believe I mixed up RL with an L Word episode! LOL It goes to show how rung out and tired I am this week ;-)
Ha, ha, I was just going to post that the acupuncturist story was right out of a scene on the L Word, but I see Sacha beat me to it. Mermaidgrrrl, that's so funny. Thank God that didn't happen IRL!
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