Indeed, as several commenters correctly surmised, I am very happy for my sister and my whole family that the first of the next generation is growing. There's really no one in my life I'm as close to as my sister in the way that I am close to her.
It's just that...I'm the oldest. And I want this. I want this so, so so so badly. (Well, you all know. You all are the people who know!!!) And for a while there, the way things were going, it looked like I might get to have the first grandchild (Lord knows I didn't get the first marriage...my sister married [religiously & legally] a few years before I did and since I live in the U.S. I am still not legally married). And that kind of felt good to me, you know? Having the first grandchild, even though it's so hard for us to do.
But that's not how it's going to be. I'm going to be the Late Blooming Lesbian YET AGAIN. Maybe I'll change my cute little pseudonym from LO to LBL since those appear to be my real initials.
(I'm getting used to this new turn of events, I'm not as down as I might sound in this post. It's just that sometimes I get tired of all the drama/detritus that comes with being queer. 'Cause if we weren't, we'd have been first.)