Tuesday, October 24, 2006

My Mom

My mom is driving us crazy.

Poor Co actually hung up on her today. I don't know if I would dare to do that, myself.

First of all, every time she talks about our new nephew she needs to talk about his family resemblance to "our family." Which is starting to grate on both of us, since our own child (should we ever have one) will not look like "our family." I am not such a big fan of my looks that I really care so much about passing them on, and I am dying to have a baby that looks like Co. (And at least in theory I am going to have a biological child down the line.) I just think my mom could maybe say that less to us. (Admittedly, maybe there is not so much else to say about a creature that only eats, sleeps, craps, and pees.)

Second of all, whenever the subject of TTC comes up, she brings up examples of heterosexual infertility. WE DON'T CARE. Of course, there exists het infertility, and we feel akin to you all out there, but honestly? That does not make our lives easier. That does not take away trigger shots in the belly, hoo ha bullets, ultrasounds every 20 minutes, and the pain of failure. Mom does not know about these things, but for all the bragging she does about all the lesbian parents she knows, it would not be so hard for her to find out.

So, I am feeling weary and cross and like you in the computer are the only people I ever want to talk to again. Bleh.


charlotte said...

I dislike your family for you so much. They just keep on keepin' on with insensitivity which borders on malice.

BTW there is plenty to talk about other than the kid looking like your family...you talk about everything you just mentioned - the pooping and the sleeping and the snarfling and the crying.

Honestly. Your mom is quite a piece of work.

And Family O, I am so sorry for your loss. And I say that not in a rote way, but in a deeply earnest way. Each time we are not pregnant it feels like we lost a possiblity, a hope - the chance of that baby, that due date.

Sarah and BB said...

[sinks and shakes my head]

I know how you feel, ALL too well. My Mom is also very inconsiderate, and frankly just plain hurtful.

Co, good for you for hanging up. The last thing you guys need to hear is that garbage. All I can do is hope for you both that when Lo's Mom holds your baby, she won't feel like that anymore.

Try not to let her bring you down, even tho I know that is hard.

Hugs to you both.

J said...

No matter how you slice it...this is craptastic. There's only so much you can "write off" as excitement about a new grandchild, and hopes for having more...you know? She's in a very dangerous insensitivity zone...and Congrats to Co for....not listening.

ms.bri said...

Even though baby o will have 2 mommies, people will still talk about how much it looks like you both. Even I have done this in discussing a friend's baby. I think we were talking about eye color or something and I said, "Well, what color eyes does [partner] have?" And it took me a minute to realize that was moot. People do this even when it isn't very true that the baby resembles the parent. People have always, always talked about how much my brother looks like my father and he is adopted. So don't worry. People will say it. It will be cute and funny and vaguely sad but it will happen.

Trista said...

Unless of course your baby has a different skin color than you and so NO ONE even looks for similarities in looks... they all just assume she's adopted.

While there's no way to nip such talk in the bud, as Co already pointed out, you do need to control it and redirect it in some way. Especially if you're going to try for a bio child, Lo. Because you don't want people to sit and talk about how the child that comes out of Lo's body looks so much like Lo's family... and leave the other O child out. You don't need that dynamic being set up there.

Co, good for you. You set boundaries and you held them. She doesn't need to know. And you don't need to be the one to tell her. And if she wants to make steps toward understanding you two don't need to be her coaches and instructors.

I'm so sorry for you both that you have this additional stress on top of everything else...

Ju. said...

just found your blog... thought i'd say hi...

Two Georgia Mommies

Married Lesbian Mom said...

I wish none of us lesbian TTCers had to go through the whole emotional rollercoaster, but then to have it from your Mom? Must be tough. I am sending you both big (((HUGS))).