Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Lo's Thoughts

Today just as I was coming up from the subway station, the five-year-old boy who lives in our building passed by on his way home from school with his mom. He wanted to hold my hand as we walked to the building, and he wanted to use the key to open the front door. As we walked, he asked, "Where's your wife?" I said that she was inside. His mother said, "Now I don't know why he said that. M., they could be roommates! I'm sorry if he's saying something that's wrong." I told her he was right.

He knows. He won't be surprised if/when we have a baby.

I am having trouble believing this is real. It just feels like another optimistic moment, like when Co responded well to the injectibles, when our IUI was well-timed...I keep saying, "Yeah, it looks good!" and the few people we've told keep saying "It doesn't just look good! She's really pregnant!"

I will feel much more settled after Friday's beta, I think.

According to FF she is 4 weeks pregnant. That is bizarre. (Also, according to FF, she is a "graduate." Good Lord.)

We haven't told many people. (Only the whole blogosphere! Ha ha ha.) Seriously...those who have followed us on our journey will always receive every hiccup of news. But other than a few close friends, no one else will know for a while. We haven't chosen an exact time of disclosure yet.

So this disjointed, numb post is an accurate reflection of where I'm at. I'm happy, of course I'm happy! But it's a guarded happy.

11 comments:

marci said...

Well, from experience, the less people you tell early the better.

I was kind of naive with telling people at work, especially with IVF having a pretty substantial m/c rate. You guys don't really have to worry about that, but telling people I was no longer pregnant was pretty damn hard.

Sit on this news for awhile before telling others (with the exception of close friends and family). That would be my advice.

charlotte said...

Of course it is guarded. But it will probably feel surreal for a LONG time. OMG. I am just still so incredibly happy for you guys. And dude, that 5 year old is effing CUTE.

Co said...

I've been suspicious that I was pg this cycle, since about 6 DPO, because I was feeling so different. Lo has taken to asking me several times daily, "Do you still think you might be pregnant?" That got kind of annoying. Love ya, dear, but it did.

Well on Tuesday, after the beta results were in, Lo still was asking, "Do you think you might be pg?" I had to remind her several times that at that point, there was no doubt. Blood does not lie.

My sweet disbelieving girl.

calliope said...

wait- FF actually called you guys "graduates"???

sheesh.

& for the record I *knew* you were knocked up the minute Lo told me you were feeling so different. bwah ha ha!!

thinking of you guys.
xo

SandraMort said...

That surreal feeling can last a while. With Eva, I remember the moment it felt *REAL*. During labor, I suddenly looked up, completely shocked, and announced that she was helping. I could feel her wiggling out. It was just amazing. Heh. Hopefully it'll click sooner than that for you guys! ;)

Looking forward to a happy, healthy three trimesters!!!

Co said...

Cali,

The website for the page that says "Congratulations! You are now ready to visit our pregnancy page" is:

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ffgraduates.html

So, "ffgraduates" is in the url. I find that SO REPULSIVE.

j said...

Do you get a diploma or something upon graduation?

A said...

You should get a freak'in medal as far as I'm concerned!!

fostermama said...

I totally understand the numbness, disjointed feeling, and guarded happiness. It makes sense. Here's hoping for more full-on happiness in the near future!

nycphoenix said...

i hear you on the feelings. praying you'll release full on joy real soon

SandraMort said...

My friend Rachelle, the one who I was asking questions about home insem, sends her regards!