Thursday, February 09, 2006

Sperm Bank Advice

Co and I have been observing with delight and amusement (and relief) that so many couples seem to be like us...a balance of one more hesitant person and one let's-go-right-now-hurry-up person.

Being as I am the hurried planner in the pair, I am thinking about sperm bank research in case PKD doesn't work out. What banks have people had good experiences with or seem good for any reason.

We're in New York so if there are any near us that would be excellent, please share, but my research indicates New England Cryobank is probably the closest.

I've found lots of info online and in books, and have quite a few sites bookmarked; I'm stuck in terms of making sense of it all so I am seeking the wisdom & experience of you amazing women out there in the blogosphere.

(We do know that we cannot use Rainbow Flag Health Services, and we're interested in identity-release programs.)

Finally, a note about my paranoia: a comment on my last post pointed out that financial concerns often dictate the decision about fresh or frozen. I feel this unhappy anxiety that I am going to end up paying money that I don't realistically have because I do not have the social skills required to be friends with a man who will hand over his sperm.

The issues this stuff brings up are really quite remarkable. If all parents had to go through such a process........(then I think children might just be a bit better off???)


mermaidgrrrl said...

Can you imagine if everyone had to go through this vetting process and there were NO accidental pregnancies? The world would be a different place, I agree.
My partner is very "Hurry up, hurry up!" When we discussed it further it's not just that she wants to get pregnant quickly, it's that she's scared if we wait too long she'll chicken out! This doesn't indicate lack of commitment to parenting - more an deep understanding of the seriousness of it which is scary.
The waiting part doesn't bother me as much - it chafes my butt every time someone around me gets pregnant, but I'm using the time constructively to be emotionally ready and better off financially. That and we're finally cleaning out underneath the house. Eek! I'm thinking it's been worth waiting for Dr W even though we could have seen someone unknown sooner, because I've had the best feedback about him from everyone who knows him (straight, lesbian and other health worker colleagues) and I'm feeling very confident going to him rather than scared. It's great you're getting feedback now about sperm banks so you can feel confident too if it comes to that.
Can you give your partner some sort of baby-planning mission to work on during the waiting time? It makes time go quicker. I'm sewing nappies and Little Mister is researching family cars!

mermaidgrrrl said...

Sorry for such a long comment - I'm feeling very chatty tonight and am at home all on my own!

Sarah and BB said...

I have to HONESTLY say that money was never, ever the reason we picked a KD. It is a plus, yes, but never did we put that on a pro/con list. It was the relationship, the knowing who he is, where he lives, photos to have to show our child one day.
I know that many people pick a KD because it's cheaper. Just go the route you want, and don't look at the money. Kids are expensive nowadays however way they are conceived! Just be happy with your decision, look at your options, feel comfortable with it. That is what is going to make a baby.

Amanda said...

i think that quite often, actually. We work so hard to become parents--that should tell the world SOMETHING. Sometimes being broke and having less anxiety is totally the way to go. But other times you luck out and happen to know some really amazing guy that wants to help you out. Or, your situation might be totally different. As my mom said to me one time, "if you have to worry about paying for sperm, maybe you're not financially secure enough to be having a baby." Interesting point.

charlotte said...

I am going to visit on Tuesday.
I know they are GREAT. Id release, huge lesbian client base, non-profit. Check out their website. Unless a bank is in your immediate area, I don't know that it matters how far away it is (they all ship w/ dry ice).

Sophia said...

With the shipping in tanks you can order sperm from whereever. Pick the best donor for you two. In the end the shipping is expensive as hell even if it were next door. Ex. My first one was from Idant. Idnat is in the Empire State Building. RE: 57th Street. Shipping: 125$. FOR LESS THAN @) BLOCKS!

FWIW, there are three banks in NY. Idant, The Sperm Bank of NY and NJ and one I stumbled upon by accident in Rochester, NY (good prices there) Google at will. I think Idant does not have a good rep